318 Violence Against Women
➤ It does not matter
how much you love a
person. Love cannot
Only that person can
choose to change
When an abusive relationship becomes violent, it is much
harder to leave. The longer a woman stays, the more control
the man has over her, and the less faith she may have in herself.
Some men are more likely to become violent than others.
There are certain signs that may mean a man will become
violent. If you see these signs, and have a way to get out of
the relationship, think carefully.
Ask yourself these questions:
• Does he act jealous when you see other people, or accuse
you of lying to him? If you find you change your behavior
to keep him from acting jealous, then he is controlling you.
• Does he try to keep you from seeing your friends and
family, or from doing things on your own? It does not
matter what reason he uses. He is trying to keep you from
having their suppor t. It will be easier for him to abuse you
if you have nowhere else to go.
Stupid woman. I told
you not to go out,
especially looking as
ugly as you do.
• Does he insult you or make fun of you
in front of other people? You may star t
to believe what he says. This can make
you feel as though you deserve to be
• What does he do when he gets
angry? Does he break or throw things?
Has he ever physically hur t you or
threatened to hur t you? Has he ever
hit another woman? All of these things
show that he has trouble controlling
the way he acts.
• Does he feel insulted by people with
authority, such as his teachers, bosses,
or his father? He may feel he has no
power. This can make him try to gain
power over other people in other
areas of his life by using violence.
• Does he claim that alcohol, drugs, or stress are the
reasons he acts the way he does? If he puts the blame on
something else, he may say things will get better if he gets
a new job, moves to a new town, or stops using drugs or
• Does he blame you or someone else for the way he acts,
or deny that he is doing anything wrong? He is less likely
to want to change himself if he thinks that the way he acts
is your fault.
Where Women Have No Doctor 2012