How to Be a Better Husband

Four Parts:Help Being a Better SpouseKeeping the Relationship HealthyHow to Behave at HomeSmall Gestures with Big Impacts

While every marriage is different, there are certain universal guidelines by which every married man--and woman-- should live. Read this article to learn how to keep your marriage strong and become the best husband you can be.

Help Being a Better Spouse

Sample I Statements

Sample Keys to a Good Marriage

Part 1
Keeping the Relationship Healthy

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    Learn how to communicate. Open and honest communication is the most important aspect of a healthy relationship, and is the key to building trust. Without proper communication, simple misunderstandings can turn into full-fledged fights. Keep your relationship strong and avoid excessive arguing by simply expressing yourself on a regular basis.
    • Discuss issues as they come up rather than bottling them up and growing resentful over time.
    • Learn how to be diplomatic during arguments. Try not to get overly defensive if your wife is being critical of you. Similarly, try not to sound accusatory or angry when bringing up issues with her.
    • Listen to her. Being a good communicator isn’t just about knowing how to talk. It’s important to give your wife your undivided attention when she is speaking. Look her in the eyes, ask her questions, and don’t look at your telephone or computer screen if she’s speaking about something important.
    • If you are in a bad mood for any reason, then tell her explicitly rather than ignoring her or being short with her. This way, she can give you the space you need without taking your attitude personally.
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    Be willing to compromise. A healthy relationship is a two-way street. Over the course of your marriage, you will inevitably have to give up certain things to make her happy, and vice versa. If one of you is constantly giving in to the other’s demands without any reciprocation, there will likely be some resentment down the road.
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    Take time apart when necessary. In any long-term relationship, it’s natural for one or both parties to need some alone time to unwind and focus on themselves. There’s nothing wrong with needing time away, but it’s important to be vocal about it and assure her that she shouldn't take it personally.
    • Designate one "free" day out of the week or month during which you can do your own thing, and let her do the same. If you have children, take turns watching them while the other one is out.
    • Never lie to your wife to avoid having to spend time with her. If she really loves you, she will understand if you need to be alone or spend a night out with the guys.

Part 2
How to Behave at Home

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    Help out around the house. Studies have shown that the average woman spends 10 more hours each week doing housework than her husband does![1] Excessive housework and other stress-inducing activities can attribute to decreased sexual desire in both men and women. Help balance out the workload by doing dishes, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms, doing yard work, handling repairs, and so on.
    • The key is to help out around the house even when you have not explicitly been asked to do so. Remember that it is as much your obligation as it is your wife’s to keep the house clean and in shape.
    • If you have children, help your wife by offering to pick the kids up from school, watch them when she is busy, etc.
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    Respect her standards for cleanliness. Some people are more comfortable living in a messy environment than others. To insure that you both feel comfortable in your own home, make sure that your house meets the standards of whoever is most nit-picky about cleanliness.
    • Just because you’re okay with extra dishes sitting in the sink overnight, your wife may not be, and you should respect that. If your wife is the messy one, then gently remind her every once in a while to clean up her surroundings.
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    Pick up after yourself. Even your schedule doesn’t leave extra time to do chores around the house, there’s no excuse to not clean up your own messes. The least you can do is wash your own dishes, put your clothes away, and take care of your own laundry.
    • If you are too busy during the week, then devote an hour or two each weekend to cooking, cleaning, and/or doing yard work.
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    Keep some mystery intact. Living with another person means letting down your guard and seeing each other’s less attractive sides. While this level of comfort is a true sign of intimacy, it can also damage the level of sexual attraction you feel for each other in the long run.
    • Maintain your personal hygiene, be respectful when it comes to bathroom etiquette, and make an effort to stay in shape.

Part 3
Small Gestures with Big Impacts

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    Get daily physical contact. Getting regular skin-on-skin contact releases a chemical called oxytocin, which reduces stress and increases feelings of intimacy in the long-run.[2]
    • Physical contact doesn’t necessarily mean sex. Kiss her goodbye every time you part ways, hug her when you see each other again, and cozy up in front of a good movie.
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    Laugh together. Every marriage has its ups and downs, and the only way to make it through difficult times is to maintain a sense of humor and be silly every once in a while. You don’t have to be a stand-up comedian, but you should make an effort to put a smile on her (and your) face every day.
    • Get tickets to a live comedy show, host game nights with friends, or play sports together; anything to get the laughter going!
    • Getting regular laughter will not only improve your marriage, it can actually improve your health by lowering your blood pressure, increasing oxygen flow to the brain, and reducing stress levels.[3]
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    Surprise her. Just because you’ve put a ring in her finger, doesn’t mean you should stop trying to win her affection. Every once in a while, make the same sweet romantic gestures that you did in the beginning of the relationship. Bring her flowers, get tickets to her favorite show, or plan a surprise romantic evening.


  • If you and your wife are constantly fighting, it may be beneficial to get couples' therapy. Having an objective person's point-of-view can help you and your wife reach healthy compromises, and may give you certain insights that you wouldn't have been able to reach on your own.
  • As your marriage evolves, you will learn more and more about your wife's habits, patterns, and preferences. Learning to appreciate her idiosyncrasies will help you grow closer and establish a deeper level of intimacy.

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Categories: Married Life