How to Be More Patient with a Spouse

Is love alone enough to make a relationship work? Sometimes two people love each other immensely but find themselves arguing at every turn. Constant disputing can sour a relationship. In such a case, a little patience and greater willingness to care for the other can do wonders. Patience (and selflessness) are the best gifts you can give in a relationship. The more patient and caring you become, the better your relationship becomes, and along with it, your life too.


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    Try to look at the situation from a positive perspective. If you feel that your spouse is taking too long to get dressed for a party, don't get impatient. He or she is trying to look his or her best for you. If you lose patience, then you are missing the happiness you feel when he or she holds your hand at a party.
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    Don't try to change your spouse. You may feel flustered at things that you think your spouse cannot do as well as you, such as not being good with directions, not finishing tasks in ways you want them to be done or making decisions in a way you wouldn't make them. Does shouting or reminding your spouse every time these things come up change the outcome? Absolutely not. Accept that fact and be happy. Your spouse doesn't needs to be perfect, he or she has you to complete the whole. Each of you is likely to be happier working to your strengths, not focusing on the weaknesses, so work out together who is better at what and let that person be in charge of the things that he or she will get done best. Your household will run more smoothly for it and both of you will be working effectively as a team.
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    Learn the art of "agreeing to disagree”. You both love each other and are soul mates but at the same time you two remain unique individuals. As such, don’t expect that each and every thought or choice of yours will be same. Sometimes two people have just opposite opinions––and both are right. Don’t get offended if the other one is thinking differently on any issue. No issue is important enough to be angry with your love.
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    Be communicative. You find any of your spouse's habits annoying and you think that you can neglect mentioning it, guess what––you can't. A lifetime together is a long time and you can’t ignore something forever, so just go and talk to your spouse about it. Of course, be gentle with your words and discuss it with your spouse in a sporting, loving and healthy way, realizing that you too will need to make compromises and be open to listening to ways that he or she would like you to tone down a few annoying habits. Most of all, remember not to ask him or her to change the habit, just discuss how it impacts you and your spouse will get the message.
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    Do not tolerate abuse or domestic violence. No matter how much you love the other one, no matter how patient you are, domestic violence is a serious crime and no one should tolerate it at any cost. If this is happening to you, seek outside help immediately and get to safety. A lack of patience in a spouse is never an excuse for violence and is indeed a sign of an unwillingness to change for the better, make caring compromises or deal with issues constructively. Such a situation is not of your own doing and you must protect yourself first and foremost.


  • Impatience is a often a sign of immaturity and a failure to accept situations that cannot be changed or that cannot be changed to suit you. It is often about needing to change your perspective, not that of the other person. Being patient does not mean accepting bad behavior that undermines a relationship but it does mean taking a good long look at the wider perspective and realizing what things are worth raising as in need of mutual attention and what is really more about your own unwillingness to compromise or accept.
  • Patience grows in time. After the first flush of love fades, there will be a period during which you grow to know one another in greater depths. It is during this time that the "annoying habits" can begin to surface as you see them repeatedly. Remember that this is the person you fell in love with, remember the good reasons and recall those when the annoying habits seem too overwhelming. Remember that you too are revealing your own set of annoying habits. As more time passes, both of you will grow used to these things, especially if you have communicated clearly about each other's needs and preferences, in kind and caring ways.

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Categories: Managing Arguments