How to Be Nice to Your Wife

Three Methods:Doing Kind GesturesUsing Kind WordsControlling Your Temper and Managing Disagreement

Married life can be a challenge, especially if your wife tends to get annoyed or upset with you often. You may be in hot water for being careless about her feelings or for neglecting your commitment to her. You can use kind gestures and nice words to show appreciation for your wife and make up for your mistakes.

Method 1
Doing Kind Gestures

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    Make the bed in the morning and prepare breakfast. Start your wife’s day off right by making the bed in the morning while she gets ready for the day so she does not have to do it. A small gesture like this can show her that you want to be helpful and make her day that much easier.[1]
    • You can also improve her morning by making breakfast for her. This could be a nice cup of coffee and some eggs or setting out coffee in a travel mug and yogurt for her to grab on her way out. She will likely appreciate having to worry about one less thing in the morning and be grateful for your nice gesture.
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    Do house chores before she asks you to do them. If your wife is constantly asking you to do chores around the house and then getting annoyed when they do not get done, change this pattern. Take initiative and do chores around the house before she asks you to do them.[2][3]
    • Take out the garbage, tidy up the kitchen or living room, do yard work, and do laundry. Show her that you want to make her daily routine less stressful and that you are willing to follow through on your responsibilities at home.
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    Help her with an important item on her to do list. Your wife is likely busy and on the go, balancing work and home life as well as her own needs. Being helpful in a tangible, immediate way will likely make her smile and appreciate your efforts.[4]
    • Offer to help her cross off an item on her to do list for the day so she is less stressed and can take some time for herself. This could be something as simple as picking up the kids after school so she can go to her yoga class or dropping off an item for her work event so she can spend more time with her co workers.
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    Plan an entire day together, just the two of you. If you and your wife have children, you may want to carve out some time for just the two of you to spend together. You could arrange for a babysitter and plan a day where you do some of your favorite activities as a couple. This may be an intimate dinner at your favorite restaurant or a picnic in the park on a nice, sunny day.[5]
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    Surprise her with a thoughtful gift. Make your wife’s day by surprising her with a thoughtful gift that she will appreciate. This could be something as simple as a bouquet of her favorite flowers or a box of her favorite sweets. You may also buy a card that sums up your love and affection for her, and leave it on her pillow in the morning for her to find.[6]
    • You could also get creative and make your wife a thoughtful gift, like a picture frame with a nice photograph of the two of you or a piece of jewellery made by hand. A creative, homemade gift can show her that you put time and effort into her gift.
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    Cook her a nice dinner. Give your wife the gift of a nice meal that she does not have to make herself. Prepare a dinner of her favorite foods, or surprise her with a new, delicious dish. Take care of the grocery shopping, the cooking, and the setting of the table. Then, lead your wife to her meal and let her relax as you serve her dinner. This will likely thrill her and impress her.[7]
    • As an added bonus, offer to do the dishes after dinner so your wife really has time to relax and put her feet up. This is an especially good idea if your wife usually does all the cooking and the cleaning. A change in the routine will show her you are trying to be considerate and kind to her.

Method 2
Using Kind Words

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    Ask her about her day. Take a moment at the end of the day to ask your wife how she’s doing and how her day went. This could be during dinner or as you are both getting ready for bed. Ask her directly, “How did your day go?” or “Tell me about your day.” Then, listen patiently as she speaks to show her you are listening.[8]
    • You should also display open body language so your wife feels encouraged to talk to you about her day. Keep your arms relaxed and at your sides, with your body positioned towards her. Make eye contact with her as she speak so she knows you are paying attention to what she is saying.
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    Be a good conversationalist. This means paying attention to what your wife is saying and responding with an interested, engaged answer. Rather than brush off conversation with your wife or changing the subject when your wife comments on something, respond with an answer that keeps the conversation going. This will create a healthy dialogue between you and your wife and show her that you are interested in her concerns, even if they are not things you would usually discuss or talk about on your own.[9]
    • For example, maybe your wife enjoys gossiping about the latest drama with her work friends. She may say, “You will not believe what Donald did to Mark at the meeting today.” Rather than respond with, “Who cares? Can you pass the chips?”, you should make an effort to be engaged in what your wife is talking about and show her you care about her interests. You may say, “What did Donald do? He is always doing something inappropriate in meetings.” This will keep the conversation going and allow you to connect with your wife.
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    Tell her that you appreciate her. Sometimes, all it takes are three simple words to brighten your wife’s day: “I appreciate you.” Say this to her after she has had a long day, but comes home and prepares dinner anyway, or when she goes out of her way to help you out. Remind her that you appreciate her hard work and dedication to your family, even when she has had a hard or challenging day. Though you can always show her how much you appreciate her by doing kind gestures, saying the words directly to her can also make a big impact.[10]
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    Compliment her, just because. Take the time to compliment your wife on a daily basis, even if it’s just a small comment, to let her know that you value her and appreciate her. You can use “I appreciate you” as a compliment or say, “You look great” as she heads out the door.[11]
    • Try to be genuine with your compliments, as you do not want to come off as fake or insincere. Make eye contact with her and smile as you give her a compliment, focusing on a specific thing she is doing or how she appears. Giving your wife one genuine compliment a day can show her that you continue to be amazed and in awe of her.

Method 3
Controlling Your Temper and Managing Disagreement

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    Channel your temper into relaxing and calming activities. If you tend to get upset or fight often with your wife, you may want to learn how to channel your temper into other outlets. This could mean doing a relaxing or calming activity when you feel your temper starting to get out of control. Maybe you enjoy retreating into your garage to work on your car or spending time doing woodworking. Find an activity that you can use to de-stress and focus on rather than yell or get upset at your wife.[12]
    • You may also want to consider taking up a relaxing habit, like deep breathing or meditation. This way, when you feel your temper starting to rise, you can use a relaxation technique to calm down. Doing this can prevent an argument with your wife and allow you to get some perspective so you can approach the issue nicely and calmly.
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    Listen and respond respectfully to your wife during a disagreement. Many married couples have disagreements, sometimes on a day to day basis. But it is important that when you do argue with your wife, you focus on listening respectfully and thoughtfully to her, even if you do not agree. This will foster healthy, positive discussions, rather than out of control, shouting matches.[13]
    • Maintain eye contact with your wife during a disagreement and do not interrupt when she is speaking. Try to let her finish speaking before you speak and show her you are listening by acknowledging what she has said.
    • Avoid belittling or talking down to your wife during a disagreement, as this will only lead to more conflict. Instead, focus on how you can reach a compromise and how you can support your wife, even if you do not agree with her. Use “I” statements when you speak so you are taking accountability for your thoughts and feelings. For example, “I feel that you are late often and this makes me upset,” or “I think you may have a spending issue.”
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    Take a time out if your temper gets out of hand. Whenever you feel you are reaching a breaking point during a disagreement, you should walk away and take a time out. Go to another room and take a breather by doing a calming activity or tell your wife that you need a moment to collect your thoughts and go for a walk. Taking a time out will allow you to think about the disagreement and process your emotions so you do not say things to your wife that are unkind.
    • During your time out, you should also brainstorm possible solutions for the argument and ways that you can reach a compromise with your wife. This way, when you talk to your wife again, you can present several possible solutions to her and move towards a resolution to the argument.
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    See a therapist. If you struggle to be nice to your wife on a constant basis and feel as though your disagreements with her are putting the relationship at risk, you may want to consider getting professional counseling. You may see a therapist for anger management on your own or ask your wife if she would be willing to see a couples therapist together. Getting professional help can get better at being kind and appreciative to your wife and at expressing your emotions to her in an honest and productive way.[14]

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Categories: Married Life