How to Be Supportive of Agender People

Agender means the person does not identify with a gender. If someone says they are agender, it's important you respect that. Here are a few ways how to be as supportive as possible.


  1. Image titled Nonbinary Pronouns.png
    Respect pronouns. Someone may wish to be referred to as he or she, as these are not gendered, but others may want to be known as they, or perhaps other non-binary pronouns, such as xe or zie! Even if it sounds odd to you, remember that it is important to them, and it's good to get it right.
    • If you don't know how to pronounce or spell a pronoun, politely ask. "Of course I'll use your pronoun! Could you please spell it for me so I know how to write it?"
    • If need be, practice the pronoun until you get it right. "Jamie is my friend. Xe has two sisters and a brother." Practice while by yourself: driving, washing dishes, hanging out in your room, et cetera.
    • If you make a mistake, correct yourself and move on. "He—sorry, they—were talking about..." There's no need to draw attention to it by making it a big deal.
  2. Image titled Woman Listens to Man.png
    Use less gendered language referring to them. Only use language normally used for males of females (e.g. "woman" or "boy") if they ask for it. Remember that if they use gendered language, they are still agender.
  3. Image titled Young Woman Smiles.png
    Respect how they present. Just because they look male or female doesn't mean they are. Agender people can wear "gendered" clothing and still be agender, or wear androgynous clothing and be agender.
  4. Image titled Agender Wiki Page Screenshot.png
    Read a bit about agender people. Search the internet, read articles written by agender people, and learn what they want you to know. This will help you understand how they feel, and help you avoid putting your foot in your mouth by mistake.
  5. Image titled Woman Helps Sad Man.png
    Listen to them. Life can be rough for agender people sometimes—unsupportive family or authority figures, constant misgendering, frequently being misunderstood, et cetera. You can help by listening to their struggles and showing that you care. They will appreciate it.
  6. Image titled Woman Makes Man Laugh.png
    Treat them the same way you would treat any other person. They are agender, not aliens from outer space. Relax and get to know them as an individual. If you are kind and understanding, you will do just fine.


  • Make sure you stick up for them, and stand up to anything offensive.
  • Remember that whether they look male, female or androgynous, they are still agender, and not every agender person wants to look gender neutral
  • If they cannot transition for any reason, make sure you are still supportive!
  • Don't out them without permission. If they don't bring it up in conversation, you shouldn't either.


  • Agender people's identities matter too! They are not a 'special snowflake'
  • Never refer to them as anything other than what they want you to

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Categories: Friends and Family of LGBT | Supporting Friends