How to Be the Girl Everyone Likes Without Changing Who You Are

Being the girl who has friends in every clique and across the school or college without having to become like anyone in those cliques is a tough call. But it's a challenge that an independent-minded and spirited girl can achieve by keeping her mind focused on who she is, what she wants in life and knowing where she's headed.


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    Be yourself. This cliché is often stated but it's based in the reality that without knowing who you are. Stay yourself because if you're a follower people will take advantage of you. This can lead to shaping yourself to fit in with them and it can also leave you open to being manipulated by selfish or uncaring sorts. It takes time to grow into your own skin, so don't fret about not knowing yourself yet; indeed, it's an ongoing process because a healthy person remains flexible and accepting of personal change. Being yourself is important for some of the following reasons:
    • It allows you to follow your own path and to be guided by good advice, not swayed by people with bad intentions. You can change on your own terms, because as hard as it sounds you can forget who you are.
    • It means that you can handle criticism from other people. It doesn't mean you don't have feelings; rather, you understand better that unless people have decent advice to offer, their barbs are not worth taking on board.
    • You know what you want from life and won't be willing to change who you are just to fit in with someone else's plans or likes. You are free to reach negotiated compromises that don't leave you any worse off, in the spirit of sharing and getting along with others, but you don't compromise who you are.
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    Treat others with respect. Value the dignity of other people around you and accept differences. Being liked by many people is about showing a genuine interest in them for who they are and making it clear that you're not judgmental. Show interest openly by asking questions about things they care about or are interested and making an attempt to remember what they tell you. When you see them again, ask how whatever it is they like is going, to show them you've cared enough to remember and follow up.
    • Avoid judging people by appearances. Give people a second chance if you feel instant discomfort around them; maybe they need someone like you to reach out and let them be heard. This will get you another friend.
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    Find things you have in common with people in each group. Remember to stay sincere though. If everyone only listens to rock but you only like it sometimes, make sure you tell them that. It's most likely that they will value you even more for "freshness" you bring to their clique.
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    Be realistic. Not everyone will like you, no matter who you are or how you come across. There are many reasons for this but this reality is never a reason for you to put yourself down or feel unwanted. You may never know why some people choose to dislike you, and even if you do know, it's just one of those things and not a reason to feel less worthy or to try to change to fit in with them. Leave them be it's their loss anyway. Sometimes they'll come around when they realize you really aren't affected by their put downs or choice to ignore you, so stay strong. Aim to not care about their attitude but still respect their dignity as a person. This includes staying polite and helpful and not spreading rumors or being mean towards them.
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    Be sincere. Changing what you think or believe in for each clique will quickly earn you a bad reputation, as people compare notes and realize you've been pretending to like all sorts of things and it soon becomes clear you've been stretching the truth somewhat. When seeking to be liked, do not seek to simply say what you think others want to hear or mistake being liked with being the exact same as the others. You can show sincere interest but that doesn't mean you have to agree with or like the same things. Learn how to politely say that you find the other person's point of view, approach or hobbies interesting but that they're not your personal way. This is being sincere––showing genuine interest in the person, listening carefully but not leading them into thinking you have the same viewpoint or interest.
    • For example: Jenny tells Alice that she loves going to movies every weekend. Alice personally thinks this is both expensive and a waste of time. Rather than saying "Yeah, I love the movies every weekend too!", Alice says: "That sounds like a really cool way to enjoy your weekend. I am sure you know lots of movie trivia––it'd be great to have you on our quiz team for the movies section! I only see movies about two to three times a year, I just find I'm so busy with other things." In this way, Jenny's interest in movies is validated as a good thing to do, Alice has shown interest and made it clear that she's appreciative of the interest but doesn't do the same thing herself. Jenny might offer to tag along when Alice does want to go to the movies some day but she won't expect Alice to come to the movies every weekend now!
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    Enjoy the company of others. Don't turn wanting to be liked into a chore or your destiny. Instead, seek to be friendly to all and to want to have fun around people. Getting to know people, learning about them and spending time with them is a hobby in itself and if you enjoy people's company, this will be reflected in your actions, your smile and your whole demeanor.


  • Do not allow yourself to succumb to peer pressure. Always maintain your own personality and unique style.


  • Be realistic about violent or deliberately provocative people. They may have mental health disorders, personality disorders or just a big chip on their shoulder. Don't spend time putting yourself in harm's way of such people. However, if you have concerns about their well-being or the well-being of others, do bring this to the attention of someone in authority who might be able to do something to help them. Ignoring their plight completely can lead to wider harm in some circumstances.

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Categories: Personal Development | Youth