How to Casually Tell Your Loved Ones You're Bisexual

Three Parts:Bringing Up the ConversationDeciding Who to TellExplaining Bisexuality to Your Loved Ones

When you are accepting of your own bisexuality, it may be time to tell friends and loved ones that you're bisexual. Having friends and family members who understand you and know that you identify yourself as a bisexual may help you to feel that you live in a supportive environment. It is natural to be worried about the reactions of your loved ones to such a personal revelation, but it is usually better to be honest about who you are.

Part 1
Bringing Up the Conversation

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    Consider the person and the timing. The moment you choose to begin the conversation can make all the difference in the outcome. If you choose to bring up the topic with a person during a heated discussion when tempers are already flaring, then you will be more likely to get a negative, emotional response.[1]
    • Try choosing a time when the person is in a good mood – like while you are spending time together, just the two of you, and enjoying each other’s company.
    • Decide if you want to tell someone you trust first or if you want to tell everyone all at once. It might be helpful to practice with someone close to you first, but some people prefer to get the information out there in one fell swoop.
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    Make a Facebook post. Tell everyone you know all at once by making a Facebook post about your bisexuality. This can be a lighthearted way to make your announcement without making a big deal about it individually to everyone you want to tell.
    • Try making a status update like this: “Hey everyone. Just wanted to clear up any confusion by letting you all know that I’m bisexual! Have a great day!”
    • But remember that everyone on your Facebook will see it (unless you adjust your privacy settings for the post), so you lose some control over who finds out this information about you.
    • Remember that your sexuality is personal and who you share that with is your choice. Make sure that sharing on Facebook aligns with your personality and feelings about personal privacy, so you don’t regret your choice later.
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    Throw yourself a coming out party. Plan a party to celebrate your announcement. Make invitations and send them to everyone you want to tell about your bisexuality. The invitations themselves will do the job of informing people and it’s a good excuse to have a fun time with your friends and/or family.
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    Just say it. Some people don’t like to make a big deal about their sexuality. If you sit down to have a whole conversation about your sexual identity, it can seem like a very serious topic to the other person. Telling someone casually means bringing it up in a way that makes it seem like it’s not a big deal.
    • Try just saying “I’m bisexual!” in a casual, happy way when you are with the person you want to tell. This can make the topic less awkward and maybe even make the other person laugh because you caught them off guard.[2]
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    Ask for advice. If you are unsure how you should tell someone that you are bisexual, you might consider asking for advice on dating and use the conversation as an opportunity to talk about your sexuality. You could ask a friend or family member of the opposite sex for advice about dating, then indicate your interest in the person's opinion because you are also interested in same-sex relationships.
    • For example, if you are a girl, then you could ask your brother for advice on flirting with women because you are bisexual.
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    Bake a cake. You can also share your news with your friends and family by baking a cake and frosting it in rainbow colors. You can bring it out after dinner and explain your news as you set down the cake.
    • Try saying something like, "Guess what? I'm bisexual! I am proud of my sexuality and I wanted to celebrate it a little bit, so I baked us this rainbow cake. Would you like a piece?"
    • Make sure that you are present and that you have some time to sit and talk to your friends and family as you enjoy your cake. Do not just leave the cake for them to find.

Part 2
Deciding Who to Tell

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    Remember that it is always your decision. No matter what your situation is, you have the right to decide when and where to divulge information about yourself. You don’t owe anyone any explanations about your sexual identity and preferences. If you choose to tell someone, it should be because you want them to know.[3]
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    Choose an easy conversation first. Settle on in advance who to tell about being bisexual. It might be a good idea to begin with someone who is likely to be helpful and understanding so that you can practice the conversation with little fear of a negative reaction.[4]
    • For this first conversation, you might choose someone who probably already suspects you are bisexual (like your best friend) or a particularly open-minded adult in your life. Try to avoid overly religious or conservative people for this first conversation as they might have a harder time accepting what you tell them.
    • Choose someone who can keep a secret because you want to be in control of who learns this information about you and when.[5]
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    Get advice. Think through speaking to a counselor or a close friend about who to tell and how to tell them. When you are struggling with these kinds of decisions, especially in the beginning, it can seem very overwhelming. Talking to someone with experience on the subject or who knows you and the people in your life can give you the confidence you need to move forward with your decisions.[6]
    • For example, if you still live with your parents and you are just beginning to understand your sexuality, a therapist might inform you that you do not necessarily need to share every piece of information about your life with people.
    • Additionally, if you are financially dependent on the person you wish to tell and there is a possibility that they might withdraw their financial support because of your revelation, you might want to wait to tell this person.[7] A counselor or other advisor can help you navigate the potential risks of coming out.

Part 3
Explaining Bisexuality to Your Loved Ones

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    Educate the people you choose to tell. You may find that friends and family are unfamiliar with what it means to be bisexual, and it may fall on you to educate them. If it is worth the effort to tell someone you're bisexual, it is probably worth taking the time to help them understand what bisexuality does mean and what it does not mean.
    • This means explaining that you aren’t attracted to everyone. But you are attracted to some members of both genders.
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    Discuss the facts about bisexuality. Tell them that this means you find people charming without regard to their gender. You may also want to clarify that attraction is not the same as taking action upon attraction. If you are currently dating a member of the other gender, tell them that you don't alternate on genders every other night.
    • Bisexuality can mean many different things. There is a spectrum of sexuality and bisexuals can land anywhere on the spectrum. Some are equally attracted to men and women. Some only have sexual relations with people of the same sex, but still find themselves occasionally attracted to members of the opposite sex.[8] Whatever the case is for you, that is perfectly fine and normal!
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    Try to be confident. Let your friends or family members know that you are having this talk not because you feel a need to explain yourself, but because you love them and you want them to know who you are.
    • Some people might think that bisexuality means you haven’t made up your mind and you aren’t sure about what you want. Tell them that the opposite is actually true. You know exactly what you want – it just has more to do with who people are, not what gender they are.
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    Be prepared to answer questions. Remember that you have been dealing with these issues for a while by the time you decide to tell someone. So, it will be natural for the person you tell to have questions. Remain calm and provide simple answers to their questions. Let them know they are welcome to ask you questions.[9]
    • They may be surprised or even shocked, so try to be a little understanding about their reaction.
    • But remember that you don’t have to answer any questions you aren’t comfortable answering. Just say, “I’d rather not discuss that” if they ask you something you don’t want to talk about.


  • Think of creative ways to say “I'm bisexual.” This will often get the point across, but in a (possibly) less shocking manner.
  • You may find that some people will assume that being bisexual means that you are attracted to everyone and they may fear that you will begin flirting with them. However, you aren’t obligated to tell everyone about your sexuality. You may decide, with some chums and acquaintances, to handle the material on a need-to-know basis.


  • It is natural to be stung emotionally by a negative response from someone whom you've told that you're bisexual.

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Categories: Coming Out as LGBT