How to Date an Introvert

It can be harder to tell if a shy and socially awkward person likes you, because they may not know how to approach people. Don't give up immediately. Once you have broken in to their lives and understand their world you can relax and act as you would around anybody else. In the end, you will feel a sense of achievement in knowing this person, because you will have uncovered a secret; their personality.


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    Notice if this person blushes or gets nervous around you. A shy person who doesn't tend to read social cues easily (as these two are not the same) is sometimes just as unable to receive advances as they are to make them, and their nerves will tell on them in one way or another.
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    Convince this person that your interest is genuine. One good conversation won't be enough to earn their trust. You may find that after having a great interaction, the person will seemingly avoid you. They might be testing your interest, or might not be sure of what to do. Unless you see a really persistent negative trend, just continue to make slow, respectful advances.
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    Tell them something about yourself. Just be friendly and calm. Speak in a low tone, as if you only intend for them to hear the story. Giving them a little information about you might make them less nervous about sharing information about themselves - a "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" sort of deal.
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    Ask questions. Avoid questions with "yes" or "no" answers; try to get the person to talk a little. The reaction will vary, depending on the person. Some introverted, shy, or otherwise distant people are animated with people that they know, while others are consistently aloof.
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    The person may or may not catch hints, depending on how well they read social cues. This is possible with both introverts and extroverts.
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    Listen and take what they say seriously. Even if it seems like a half-hearted or thoughtless statement, this is often just a shyness or uneasiness in attempting to express what they actually feel. It's selfish to see their awkwardness at revealing feelings as a barrier; you care about this person, so make the effort instead of placing up your own barrier by turning that person into a challenge.
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    Pay close attention to facial expressions and body language. Introverts will not always say what they are thinking. You have to be especially observant in order to figure out what they are thinking. For example, a small, coy smile is a positive indicator. A small, forced smile could be a sign to back off a bit.
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    Always be available for the person. It can take a lot of courage for an introvert to approach someone they like, and the opportunity might not come again for a while, or at all-- be there or be square!
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    Use compassion. Realize when you are getting frustrated or projecting your own assumptions onto an introvert. Try to recognize your frustration as a reaction within yourself without judgement and convert that energy into compassion for the individual and their unique experience of this world.
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    Call an amnesty. Realize we are all human with complex and unique communication styles. We can not communicate or understand each other perfectly 100% of the time. We all make mistakes and have misunderstandings. Leave room for people to be human and take risks in expressing themselves, leave room for forgiveness.


  • Allow for space, boundaries, and silence. These do not inherently indicate anything is wrong or bad like it may for extroverts. These are healthy elements (and needs) in many individual's lives.
  • Don't make generalized assumptions about thoughts or intentions as you'd normally use in interacting with the average extrovert. The rules behave differently with an introvert.
  • Be friendly, but not forceful. If you are afraid that you are making this person uncomfortable, then ask, "Am I making you uncomfortable? Just tell me if I am, and I promise I won't be offended."
  • Sometimes, leave the person room to breathe. He/she has his/her space too, and pass each minute with that person can be annoying.
  • Realize that there is a difference between introverted, shy, and unable to read social cues, as extroverts could be either of the latter.


  • Understand that they may loathe small talk.
  • Some people can find it hard to tell someone "I like you," but it is often equally hard for them to say "Go away." The symptoms of these two very different frames of mind can seem similar if you are not paying close enough attention. Pay attention!
  • The type of ice breaking techniques that work with other extroverts are not always appropriate for introverts.
  • Their humor is could more dry and sophisticated and not just for the purpose of "kidding around". Do not be take it the wrong way if they sometimes take your teasing or banter seriously or literally. Especially if you don't know them well.
  • Remember that introverts need some time to recharge after being with people too long, so if they say they don't want to hang out, don't pressure them.

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Categories: Getting a Date