wikiHow to Deal With a Violent Person

Sometimes, you find yourself in a situation where violence occurs and people involved are violent. It may be accidental or unexpected that you encounter those situations but if you know how to handle it, you can easily avoid getting yourself injured, putting yourself in a danger or getting into trouble with the laws.


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    If you can avoid dealing with any violent persons, do so. Don't get involved in whatever situation where violence is. If you don't have anything to do with it, just walk away. If you fear you're physically in danger, call the Emergency Services immediately. Let the police handle those situations.
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    If you need to deal with a violent person such as your friend or boyfriend/girlfriend and he/she is not trying to physically hurt you, try to calm him down. Talk to them calmly, kindly and clearly, and let him know how he is acting right now (for example, over reacting, foolishly, insanely etc) and try to convince him to listen to you or tell you what the problem is or what the reasons are for him to act like that. It is very important that whatever you do, try not to yell at the violent person because yelling will only aggravate him and make him think you're against him and not on his side, cause him to act even more violently.
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    If the violent person is trying to physically hurt you, get out of there. call the Emergency Services right away. It's okay to run from the situation. It doesn't make you a coward or punk. You can fight back but only to protect yourself unless it's a life or death situation if you don't. You might want to hurt him back but it's better not to so that when the police arrives, they know who to put the cuffs onto and avoid getting yourself arrested.
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    If you are a woman and your boyfriend is physically abusive, or if you are a man and your girlfriend is physically abusive, you need to get out of the relationship immediately. If that's impossible without getting violent, then seek shelter. Usually, an abusive partner doesn't realize hurting you physically is wrong. Violence is justified in his mind and somehow you deserve to be hurt. Even if you've never hurt him in any way. In that situation, it's only a matter of time you will be hurt severely and the next and the final step will be death. Don't believe when he tells you how sorry he is after he hurts you. Don't believe when he tells you how much he loves you and doesn't want to hurt you anymore. If your partner really loves you, they will never try to hurt you in any way. And it doesn't matter if you've made a mistake and hurt his feelings or fallen out of love with them. It still doesn't give him a reason to hurt you physically. As a matter of a fact, it is a crime and he needs to be in jail for it.
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    If for any reasons, you decide to stay in the relationship with him/her and give him/her a second chance, try not to expect too much. Almost 100% of abusive partners will stay abusive. He/she might succeed in the beginning and you see the difference in his/her behavior/character and think he has changed. Unfortunately, soon the day will come when his/her anger and rage erupt from keeping them deep inside for so long and guess who is going to be there to take it? It's you. That's why you need to keep your expectations low and you need to always watch out for any signs of abuse before it happens. You cannot give him/her more than a second chance. You can't accept anything more than that. Otherwise, he/she will think he/she can keep doing the same thing to you over and over until it's too late. The only way you should agree to stay in the relationship should be if he/she is willing to get counseling. If he/she really loves you and serious about the relationship, he/she will take an initiative to find and enroll him/herself in the counseling sessions or find the doctor him/herself. If you have to push him/her to do that, he/she is not taking this seriously enough. It's not worth it for you to stay in this relationship or even make an effort to try to help him/her get better. It is not your job and you don't need to put yourself through that.
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    Stay strong when dealing with a violent person weather if it's a boyfriend, girlfriend, friend or family member. Don't get caught up and stand on his/her level and start acting violent. You have to show him/her that being violent doesn't solve anything. You need to teach them violence is wrong. You need to let them know you don't accept violent behavior from anyone.
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    When a person grew up in a violent home, he/she thinks there's nothing wrong with being violent and that's the only way they know how to express their anger or disagreement and it's okay for them to use that force to solve any problems or get what they want. It's very hard for a person to change what he/she thought it was okay in his whole life. He probably wouldn't know what or how to act and get frustrated. Unless you're ready to deal with that and take his abuse just so that you can help him for a very long time, you should just get yourself out of the situation. It's much easier and safer. Plus, going through such a hardship, not for your own self but for someone else, you will find yourself being a bitter and resentful person at the end. So there is no happy ending.


  • Don't be embarrassed to tell your friends or relatives that you're in an abusive relationship and need help. It is such a tragedy if you end up severely hurt or in worst case dead and no one around you had no idea what was going on with you and your relationship. Imagine how sad and helpless they will feel. They will be devastated to think that they could have helped you in every possible way to get you out of it, only if you could just say something. Not only it's wrong but it's selfish to have them go through such stress.
  • If you're in a physically abusive relationship and the abusive partner threatens you to hurt your pets, there are many local shelters where they can provide numbers or give you reference to your local animal shelters so that you won't be worried about your pets' safety when it's time to get out. You might want to get those information in advance in case of emergency.
  • Contact the local law enforcement for help. It doesn't have to be an emergency to contact them. There are non-emergency number you can call. They're always willing to help 24 hours.


  • Even if a person is only being abusive verbally, it is still an abuse. If someone hurts you emotionally, it is an abuse. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
  • If you witness fights or brawl, don't get involved. call the Emergency Services if anyone is hurt or just simply walk away.

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Categories: Managing Arguments