How to Defend Traditional Marriage

Marriage. The very word creates tension whether it is an engaged couple planning their wedding or a group of lawmakers arguing in the statehouse. If you support traditional marriage, a marriage between man and woman, it is important to know how to deal with this tension and defend your beliefs when confronted.


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    Remember to always respect everyone. Never bully or intimidate someone over their sexual orientation or beliefs.
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    Think about why you support traditional marriage. Do you actually support traditional marriage, or do you just say you do? There is a difference. If you don't firmly support traditional marriage, you would be hypocritical to defend it. But, if you do firmly believe in it, ask yourself, "Why?" Your own reasons why you support traditional marriage can be your strongest argument.
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    Listen to what the other person has to say. Don't interrupt them. If you don't listen to them, they have no reason to listen to you.
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    Use a clear, confident voice to state your arguments. If you are mumbling, the other person won't be able to understand you. Your arguments can be based on:
    • Your personal beliefs - Ask yourself why you support traditional marriage. Then, simply restate the answer you tell yourself in your head to the other person. After the initial statement, go into why you have come to that conclusion.
    • Your knowledge - Use your brain. Back up arguments with hard evidence when possible. This will be hard to do though, since the even the most well-established facts themselves are so often disputed and even changed.
    • The purpose of marriage in society - Explain the important role that marriage plays in the world. While not all marriages result in families, families most of the time result from a marriage (be it by birth, surrogate birth, adoption or otherwise). A marriage binds the parents together, which is the ideal condition for raising children. Marriage is important because raising strong kids in strong families is important.
    • Drawing the line - So, now the big question is who has the right to marry whom. "Should anybody be allowed to marry anybody and raise a family?" Anybody, meaning any two adults.
      • State that, "Many arrangements exist, so it would be unfair to leave one out, if attraction between couples is the question." Many people think some of these groups should not be allowed to marry including the person with which one is arguing. One could try to use this to their advantage, if done carefully.
      • If they answer "yes" and believe that all these groups should be allowed to be married, you are in for a tough time.
      • So, if they answer "no" to the question, "Should all of these groups be allowed to marry?" begin narrowing down the list. To narrow it, one has to figure out which group they think is helping society the most.
    • "Child Birth and Family" One should be prepared to research laws and regulations should one choose this argument. In most cases, a heterosexual couple can produce healthy children on their own. The parenting argument is also a tough point to win, so one should also be prepared to respond with as little possible discrimination. This includes responding to adoption and surrogate points.
    • "What about polygamy?" One should choose their points appropriately when arguing against Polygamy. Polygamists can produce healthy children just like monogamist, heterosexual couples. However, the one spouse has to split their time between all the different spouses in polygamy. One should consider whether there are advantages or disadvantages to one's argument.
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    Agree, or, if the discussion gets out of hand, just agree to disagree. Both of you will still have the opportunity to explore an opposing viewpoint and reach outside your comfort zone. These are things that can help a person grow and understand their own beliefs more fully. In any case, you will both probably think about it on your own anyway.


  • Always respect everyone (avoid incivility), no matter what race, sex, sexual orientation, religion, or anything else they are.
  • Be willing to accept that your friend has a different opinion than you. It's okay. You can still be friends.
  • Always think before you judge.
  • Actually do research. Find other reasons to defend traditional marriage. If you constantly use the Bible or religion, non-religious people will get annoyed and use that against you.
  • When debating over the legality of marriage, be cautious about bringing up religion until you know what the other one believes. They might follow another religion, which would invalidate the context of your argument.
  • Forgiving and thoughtfulness are needed when events seem to be gradually or rapidly moving toward circumstantial ethics and legal enforcement of other cultural views from one's own. Teaching traditions to your children -- based on fairness and kindness -- is what the reasonable person does. If one strongly disagrees with some of these changes, it will not be easy -- but remain respectful and non-aggressive, while working for your causes with people of similar ideals in your areas of interest.
  • Don't accuse the other person of lacking family values, or not valuing tradition. That may not be the case and may invalidate your argument for them. They may disagree because of different or partial information.
  • The discussion or debate should not involve yelling. Yelling means tempers are flaring and people are more likely to make irrational decisions. It also tells the other party that you have exhausted logic and have resorted to emotional outbursts.
  • Try to focus on areas of agreement to remain friends, even if you never arrive at an agreement about traditional marriage.
  • Be sure you know what you are arguing. Know the difference between a marriage and a civil union for tax and partner death benefits.
  • Just as you're trying to change their point of view, be aware of the possibility that something they say may influence your conceptions.
  • Excluding any of the other groups to marry besides heterosexuals, could discriminate against others that wish to marry (but that may be your idea of defending traditional marriage).


  • Be wary that when arguing any point, you may be wrong, but realize that this is okay for anyone, just be as accurate and honest as you can.
  • The other person might not agree with you no matter what you say. That's okay. Agree to disagree. The important thing is that you can have a discussion on a controversial topic without disrespecting each other in hate or wanting to hurt someone.
  • Avoid over dependence on "slippery slope" and other logical patterns as your reason. Use your on values and beliefs, not abstract philosophies.

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Categories: Christianity | Married Life