How to Find a Date for the Dance

Four Parts:Finding the Right PersonAsking Someone Outside the Typical Social NormsAsking the QuestionHandling the Answer

The dance is coming up and the pressure is on to find a date. The feeling can be incredibly stressful and feel like it is going to make or break your social life. Take a deep breath, freak out, take another deep breath, and start strategizing. There are a lot of people who would love to go to the dance with you. You just need to find them.

Part 1
Finding the Right Person

  1. Image titled Be Liked During the First Date Step 9
    Get rid of unreasonable expectations. Throw away all of the ideas of what you think your “type” is, how the person should look, and what your friends think of them. Choose the person who feels right to you rather than trying to match someone with specific height, hair and behavior requirements.[1]
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    Place your needs above your wants. There may be several things you would really want from your potential date, but you should focus on the things you need from them. Needs really can’t be replaced or ignored. On the other hand, wants can be negotiated and even surprise you on occasion by showing that what this person has to offer is actually more interesting or attractive.[2]
    • Curiosity can be better than book smarts. A curious person will want to know more about you and the world at large. Their intelligence will always be growing as they explore and learn.
    • Someone may not be the most beautiful person, but this may have allowed them room to be far more caring than someone who is deemed attractive by everyone.
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    Do your own thing with other people. One of the best ways to find someone with similar interests is to immerse yourself in the things you love. Get out and do what you like, then look around and see who else is doing the same. These are your people. Mingle and see if you can find just the right person for the dance.[3]
    • It can be nice to meet someone outside of school where everyone knows everyone else and has already made assumptions about the other person. Meeting someone in a new setting allows you to see them for who they are rather than their reputation.
    • Join a club. Whatever it is that you love, there is likely a group of people who love it just as much. Find a club and join it, whether that be a book club, drama club, running, art, chess, or gamers. Whatever it is, ask around or get online and join.
    • Volunteer in your community. Whether you want to help animals, people, or politicians, invest some of your time into your community. This is one of the best ways to find other people with big hearts who could be your perfect match for the dance.[4]
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    Choose someone you know and get along with. You will be spending a majority of the evening with this person. The dance will be much more comfortable if you already know that you have a lot in common, things to talk about, and can hang out for a while.
    • If you have a friend you have started developing feelings for, this could be a perfect opportunity to let that person know. Make it clear that you would like to go as a date as opposed to just friends.

Part 2
Asking Someone Outside the Typical Social Norms

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    Choose the person you want to go with over the person you might feel pressured into asking. Someone else may be more popular or considered cool. Your friends could be pressuring you to ask someone you are not comfortable asking out. You are going to be more comfortable and happier with someone you really want to be with at the dance.
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    Ask a boy to a dance even if you are a girl. If you still think that girls expressing their feelings first and asking boys out is taboo, it’s time you get over it. This doesn’t make a girl dirty or wild or even inappropriate. It actually makes the girl really cool and confident.[5]
    • Even though the guy may be a little surprised and unsure how to react at first, he will most likely also be flattered.
    • In the off-chance that the guy you ask is totally weirded out, walk away. This is not the person you want to go to the dance with.
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    Ask a boy to a dance even if you are a boy. This goes for girls asking girls to the dance as well. Same sex relationships may be a little more challenging to approach, but are becoming more accepted overall. If this is the person you want to ask, you should be free to do so.[6]
    • Consider speaking to your parents about your feelings if you have not already discussed your sexuality with them. This can alleviate added stress if your date says yes. Reference this article for tips on having this conversation with your family.
    • If you feel unsafe at your school, consider asking your date to a more private event on the night of the dance. Go to dinner and dance in the parking lot to your car radio. Consider also talking to your school counselor or administration about feeling unsafe at school.
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    Look for a person who might not go to the dance if you don’t ask them. Think outside the romantic box for this one. Choose someone who would really appreciate you asking them to the dance. It doesn’t have to be a romantic date, but could still be really special.
    • A boy in South Dakota took his terminally ill sister to the dance, so she would not have to miss out on that experience in her life.[7]
    • Consider going with someone from your family, a good family friend, or someone you know and like, but no one is asking them to the dance.
    • One guy couldn’t find a date, so he took his cat! That might seem pretty weird, but he had a great time and got a lot of attention at the dance.[8]
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    Consider going with a friend. This could be someone in your gender preference or not. This could be one person or a group of people. Any way you go about it, you will still get to go to the dance, you won’t miss out on anything, and you are guaranteed to have a good time.[9]
    • Friend dates are a great way to relieve the pressure of finding a romantic date to the dance.
    • You may be surprised how many other people at the dance also don’t have dates.

Part 3
Asking the Question

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    Increase your confidence on the day you ask. You will want to begin by feeling like you are going to succeed. Do your best planning to get the best results. Even if you don’t get the answer you were looking for, you will know that you put forth your best effort.[10]
    • Wear something that makes you feel good.
    • Plan out what you are going to say and attempt to imagine the response so that you know how to handle it. Try having imaginary conversations in your head before you have them out loud.
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    Be creative with how you ask someone to the dance. You don’t have to say, “Will you go to the dance with me?” then hope for the best. Come up with a unique way of popping this question so they will notice the effort you put into it.[11]
    • Make a treasure map or scavenger hunt which ends with you or a note asking them to the dance.
    • Leave flowers or flower petals on the windshield of their car with a note.
    • Put a fortune in a fortune cookie to let this person know how fortunate you would feel to go to the dance with them.
    • Go to a “Build a Bear” workshop and record a message that the bear can play back.
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    Write it out if you are too nervous to ask it. If the pressure is really getting to you and you can't seem to bring yourself to talk to the person you would like to ask to the dance, write it out in a note and leave it in the person's locker or on the windshield of their car.
    • Give them an easy way to follow up. Leave your phone number and ask them to text you an answer, or even have "yes/no" boxes in the note.
    • Leaving the note could be tricky, because you may not know if they get it. If you can gather your confidence enough to hand it to them, you will know for sure that they got the note.

Part 4
Handling the Answer

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    Embrace the “yes!” If you have found a date and they said “yes,” well you can just stop reading here. It’s time to go figure out what you are going to wear. Actually though, let them know how excited you are. Keep in touch leading up to the dance. Communicate about your expectations and even your outfit so that you will both be comfortable the night of the dance.
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    Try again if one person tells you “no.” Don’t let one rejection shut you down. Just because one person has not accepted your invitation, does not mean that no one wants to go to the dance with you. In fact, there are a lot of people who would like to go to the dance with you, so keep asking until you find the one you would also like to go with.[12]
    • It is so much easier to say than do, but don't take rejection too personally. There are any number of reasons someone may choose not to go to the dance with you. They are that person’s reasons and have much more to do with them than you.
    • Remember you are still the same beautiful, smart, and lovable person you were before you asked them to the dance.
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    Accept only the invitations you want to accept. While you are looking for a date to the dance, so is everyone else. Someone may ask you to the dance before you ask the person you would like to go with. Don’t feel obligated to say “yes” to an invitation. You have every right to say “no” and go to the dance with someone you will be comfortable with for the night.[13]
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    Let others down easy. If you do say no to an invitation, keep all of these issues you have been thinking about in mind. Consider how much stress and effort may have gone into this person asking you to the dance. Be kind when you refuse the invite.[14]
    • Tell them how much you appreciate them asking you and how good it makes you feel.
    • If you have a good reason, which you think might ease the blow, let them know the reason. Maybe you already have a date, or you are choosing just to go with friends. This may help the person understand it is not about them and give them the courage to ask someone else


  • Remember that sometimes it can be more fun not to have a date! Then you can dance with anyone you want and you don't have to worry about jealousy!
  • Timing can be important. If you ask too soon they could treat you like an option, but if you ask too late they may already have a date.
  • Respect their answer if they say maybe then wait to hear their final decision instead of repeating your question.

Article Info

Categories: Dances