How to Forgive a Cheating Boyfriend

So your heart has been broken and your trust has flown out the door. Your boyfriend that you love has cheated on you and you feel like your soul has been crushed. If you love him a lot you can salvage the relationship, the key is to determine whether or not you are capable.


  1. 1
    Take space. You are going to be flooded with very deep conversational topics. This may seem counter intuitive, but do not engage in any conversation right away. The most you should really say is, (in the most sane voice level), is how hurt you are and how you are going to take some space from him. Why space? Because, men need space when they think. You are both emotionally charged and no matter what agreement or conclusion you come to, it wont be valid because emotionally charged conversations hardly ever hold weight long term. So take space, right away. This will also prevent things from escalating into a potentially dangerous situation. Cheating has caused people act very dramatically and intensely, it carries much built up resentment and anger. Again, walk away for now.
    • While you are away, avoid lengthy texting and phone conversations that lead to eventual phone tag.
  2. 2
    Reflect on what you saw. Did you see any warning signs? Men who have a hard time dealing with depression, major life changes, death, or money issues tend to cheat. But there is also something else that may be causing him to cheat. Maybe it was something about you. Have you been emotionally unstable or rude? Have you pulled away sexually? There are no actual justifications for cheating, but there are triggers. When a man feels as though you are not trying to get ready for him, please him, make him happy, he will naturally sometimes seek it else where. Once a man is in this fragile state it will not take much to swoon him. Which plays back to why the girl is less attractive typically with low moral standards. He just needs the attention, and if you aren't giving him any, unfortunately, it will be received else where. This is not all men, but it is an explanation for the ones who do cheat.
    • If you feel like maybe you've been verbally abusive to him, neglectful sexually, emotionally unavailable, not trying to get ready for your dates, and giving up your typically funny jokes if that suits you, it's time you get in touch with yourself. You should seek counseling if you feel like you've fallen off your normal self. You could be experiencing depression. Seek a counselor. If you constantly put yourself down to a man from low self-esteem, he will recluse and seek more confident women.
  3. 3
    Decide whether or not the relationship is worth salvaging. Only you can decide whether or not this man is the one who makes you happy and could continue to do so in the future.
  4. 4
    Forgive him. Forgiveness is more than just pretending it didn't happen. It's more than ignoring the hurt. It's an actual process. You will never be able to brush hurt and anger and resentment under the rug for long, it always comes back out. If the pain is severe enough counseling is strongly recommended. Being cheated on can bring up past hurt and pain from previous relationships and even childhood. Once you decide to forgive you are completely banned from catty comment making and rude snappy remarks. You cannot and should not ever bring it up as ammo for any fight or argument. This takes time, so do not say you are okay if you are not. Develop some trust as you forgive. Remember it's a process.
  5. 5
    The only way to trust is to trust. You must trust your boyfriend again. Let him go. Let him be free. Give him another chance. If you are going to forgive then do so in such a way that makes him feel grateful that he has you again. No leash, no check-ins, no non-sense. Let him go. If he cheats again, then you know it's not meant to be. He could also need professional help for a love/sex addiction. (It's not likely but it's possible.) You have been cheated on and you deserve to be happy and no amount of check-ins will erase what he did to you. So do not stress yourself out by trying to control his every move, it simply is not possible.
  6. 6
    Call friends and family to hang out. Get away more and get your own space. Forgiveness takes time. Have a little fun, although it's hard right now.
  7. 7
    Do 'not stalk the females he cheated on you with. It will do nothing but set you back and make you unhappy. She's not as pretty and you are a better person.
  8. 8
    After you've had adequate space from each other sit down and discuss where to go from here. Do not ask for details about the cheating. This does nothing for you in the long run. He can tell you simply, that he cheated sexually/emotionally, and he wants to forget about her and move on with his life with you. Discuss if you two even want to stay together. Does he really want this? Or was he cheating because he is scared to say he's done? What were his motives?
  9. 9
    Set boundaries.
  10. 10
    Determine the motive for cheating. What did he say is the reason? You both may need some professional help from here to move forward.
  11. 11
    Do not tell everyone you know and do not post anything about it on social media. Aside from 1 or 2 close people if you must, you really should keep it private. This is so when you are ready to move on and forgive the incident you are not constantly burdened by people around you to do otherwise or reminding you of the hurt.


  • If you experience thoughts of suicide please call the emergency services for immediate help or The National Suicide Prevention Hotline. In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255.

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Categories: Cheating in Relationships