How to Get Past Not Having Friends

Friends can be fickle sometimes, in which case they may either betray you or simply drop you. Or, you may find it hard to make friends because you're new to an area or you've just not found it easy to connect with others for one reason or other.

Not having friends is hard and can leave you feeling lonely, down and even depressed. Being social creatures, we all need others we can rely upon, people we can share stories with and unload our worries onto from time to time. Helping yourself to transition past not having friends is akin to a journey––one in which you need to be very gentle with yourself.


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    Remember that this situation is temporary. All things pass, and so too does the state of not having friends. Whatever the reasons are for not having them right now, you can tell yourself that this is only a temporary hitch in your life. It is probable that this is a time in your life where you need to have some time alone to realize what you're capable of; to realize what it means to have a true friend, in place of people who simply come and go in your life.
    • Keep your feelings in a journal. Writing them out can help you to work out what is causing you to feel sad or afraid about the lack of friends in your life and will also help you with clues about what to do to improve your situation. Letting the thoughts continue to swirl around your head unformed can be unhelpful and confusing––writing will help you to sort it all through.
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    Find things to do. It is important to focus on doing something that can keep you happy and energized in spite of the lack of friendships. This might be a hobby, volunteering, studying or learning new knowledge, learning a new language, taking up computer programming for fun, gardening, cooking or baking, playing guitar, and so on. Choose pastimes and interests that you can really get involved in.
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    Choose some activities that guarantee you'll come into contact with other people. If you don't have friends, you won't find them at home. Getting out and about is essential to finding new friends and people with similar interests to yours. Take up a sport, hobby, night class or join a club, group or volunteer organization where you can meet other people. It can be helpful to choose some activities that don't involve the same people you see each day at school, work, etc., as this will broaden the people you come into contact with, thereby increasing your chances of finding people with whom you really click.
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    Be friendly. No matter where you are or what you're doing, be friendly to others at all times. Be civil. Always have a smile at the ready, be ready to nod as you pass by people and greet people when you see them. If you don't feel up to conversing with others, at least say hello and ask how people are. Simply being polite and friendly will cause people to be attracted to you.
    • You may be very shy. Use your smile as a shield, to suggest that you're approachable even though you're shy. You don't have to say a lot to people; just show interest in them. "Hi, I'm Mary, what's your name?" is an easy way to start a conversation.
    • Complimenting people on their clothing or hairstyle (but only if you mean it) is also a great way to show people that you're interested in talking to them.
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    Travel: If you find yourself visiting other places, remember that traveling involves meeting new people, so be open to find and enjoy whatever piques your interest; you just might end up with a pen pal. As long as you are friendly and polite, being a tourist isn't so different from who you are at "home". Just be yourself. If you do meet someone who is innately friendly with you, don't be afraid to ask people for email contact addresses and Skype names so that you can stay in touch long distance.
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    Go online. Make friends in cyberspace. If you're able to connect with people who have the same interests and sense of humor as you, this can be a fantastic way to make friends. You may even get to meet up some day.
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    Hang out with your siblings. Yes, sometimes they can be annoying, but put any differences and fights behind you because you have to put up with your family until the day you die. It's easier and better to be friends than fighting siblings.
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    Don't be ashamed. Don't see this as a big issue, friendships cannot be forced and if another person decides they don't want to be your friend, that's their choice and is not a reflection on your self-worth. As time goes on, you'll realize that having a few very solid good friends is always worth a great deal more than lots of shallow ones who drop you the instant you cease to serve their purposes. Be strong and look for the people who really matter; indeed, bad situations are often the best test of who will really stand by you, so always look for such people.


  • Just live. Don't worry about your life, just live it. Hang out with yourself. And no matter how hard things get, don't inflict any harm on yourself. It will get better.
  • Remember, lonely people have more time to express themselves, get to know themselves, do well in school and can accomplish great things!
  • A few friends is enough to start with. Even just one. But everybody needs to feel loved.
  • Having no friends means that you don't have to deal with any drama and betrayal. This is a positive way of seeing the break from having friends!
  • Have you put the bar too high? The most popular people don't want to hang out with you so you gave up altogether. The less popular people can be your new best friends. They don't have to try to keep their popular person status by bringing others down or acting cool all the time.
  • Write down what is wrong. Read what you wrote.
  • Take some time to think about fantasy stuff. It boosts your imagination and you can have fun with it.


  • Solitude is a hotbed for experimentation; be sure you're ready for whatever it is you feel you're ready for.....and don't be afraid to turn down a new experience if you don't feel ready for it.
  • Don't hurt yourself, whatever you do!
  • Don't stress over not having any friends.

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Categories: Social Events for Youth