How to Get Your Wife to Love You Again

Four Parts:Identifying the Problems in Your MarriageMaking Your Wife Feel More AppreciatedAddressing Specific Relationship ProblemsElevating Levels of Intimacy

It is easy to get caught up in the busyness of daily life and forget to make time to cherish our marriage as much as we should. If you find yourself in a rough patch with your wife, understand that this is normal, especially if you've been married for many years. But there are many things you can do to help get your marriage back on the right track. Try some of these tips to let your wife know you still care.

Part 1
Identifying the Problems in Your Marriage

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    Think about your relationship objectively. Take some time to think about the reasons you were initially attracted to your wife and what you love about her. Think about what attracted her to you and how you might've changed over the years. It can be easy to lose the spark after many years of marriage, but you need to think about whether or not you're actively making her unhappy in your marriage. Maybe she does things that drive you crazy, but try to think about what you could do to make things better for her.
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    Talk to your wife about how you could make her happier. Tell your wife that you realize the two of you are in a rut and you want to make things better. Ask her what you could do to change the course you are both on. Let her know that you want to invest in your marriage and that you are ready to change if necessary.
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    Go to couples counseling. If you and your wife seem to be fighting a lot, it might be a good idea to go to couples counseling together. Find a counselor that you are both comfortable with and start attending sessions. This can be a great way to talk about your problems with the help of a mediator that makes you both feel safe enough to talk about your feelings. They can also recommend methods and activities to practice at home to help you both improve your relationship and renew your levels of intimacy.
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    Make a list of things you could do differently on a daily basis. Think about all of the things your wife does for you and write them down. Seeing them all lined up together might surprise you. Include things like household chores, running errands, working to make money for your family, etc. But also remember to include little things that are easier to take for granted like paying the cable bill every month so you don't have to remember to do it or replacing the batteries in your alarm clock so you won't be late for work.
    • Then think about all the things you do for your wife and how you might add to that list. Write them all down and try to remember to do them every day. Include things like starting a load of laundry or letting her pick what television show you watch together.

Part 2
Making Your Wife Feel More Appreciated

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    Listen to her when she talks. Communication is the key to a healthy marriage. So often we take each other for granted and get lost in the monotony of everyday life. Ask your wife how her day was and really listen to her answer. Look her in the eye when she speaks to you so she knows she has your full attention.[1] Don't interrupt her while she is speaking, and wait until she is done to respond. Let her vent to you about things she is upset about instead of always trying to fix her problems.[2]
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    Say thank you. It is quite possible that your wife does more for you than you realize. It's easy to get caught up in the routine of daily life and just expect that your wife will make dinner or clean the house or get the kids ready for bed - because she always does. Sometimes a simple thank you can make all the difference for a woman. It's important for her to feel appreciated and to know that you recognize all of the things she does for you and your family.
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    Offer to help more around the house. Surprise your wife by making dinner or take over vacuuming the living room for her. Offer to do all the grocery shopping this week. Tell your wife that you want to be in charge of getting the kids ready for bed since she always gets them ready for school in the morning. Show your wife that you don't expect her to do everything by herself and that you are more than willing to help out.[3] Doing all of the household chores might make you appreciate more all that she does for you.
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    Give her a day off. Offer to watch the kids for a day while your wife goes shopping. Or encourage her to have dinner with her girlfriends. Or even just offer to do the dishes so she can take a bath. Let your wife know that you think she does a great job and that she deserves a break from all of the hustle and bustle of her life. Everyone needs time to relax and providing that for your wife will let her know how much you care.

Part 3
Addressing Specific Relationship Problems

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    Identify any specific problems in your relationship. No two marriages are alike. You need to think about your marriage and decide if there are any problems in particular that you could fix - problems that go beyond things like making your wife feel more appreciated and loved.
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    Work hard to earn her trust. If you have given your wife reason to question your behavior in the past, overcorrect your behavior now. Trust is a necessary component of a lasting marriage, so you need to let your wife know she can trust you. Go out of your way to let her know where you are, give her access to your phone and email, invite her out with you and your friends. Basically, do whatever she needs you to do so that she can trust you again. And then, do a little bit more than that.
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    Avoid temporary separation. A separation is just a hop away from a divorce. It's better to deal with marriage problems together, rather than from separate spaces. If you start living apart, you might not see each other every day and the distance between you will grow. It's also easier to picture your life without the person, rather than feeling obligated to work hard and fix the problem, when you remove yourself from your marriage situation.
    • Whatever you do, don't help her pack her bags if she wants to leave. You might think you're trying to be nice by helping her, but she might interpret it as you encouraging her to go.

Part 4
Elevating Levels of Intimacy

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    Do something new together. Shared experiences are a great way to build intimacy between people.[4][5] So, if you feel like you and your spouse are drifting apart, plan a fun activity that you've both never done before. Take tennis lessons together or hike to a new location. Try some weird new Sushi restaurant or get a tattoo. Doing something exciting and new together will help you both feel a connection that will rekindle the fire of your relationship.
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    Set aside quality time to spend together. Spending quality time together is so important for a marriage. Try to have a date night every week or once a month. Get a babysitter and leave the kids at home. Go to the movies or get a hotel for the evening. Take a weekend trip to the beach or pick her up for lunch on your lunch break. Make it a point to show her that you love her and that you want to spend time with her, not just because she is your wife and you live together, but because you actually enjoy her company.
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    Ask questions and get to know each other again. After years of marriage, you may feel like you know everything about your spouse, but you'd be wrong. Try asking them get to know you questions like you did when you were first dating.[6] You might be surprised by the answers. Ask her what clothes of yours she likes the best and what her favorite part of the day is. Ask her what items are still on her "bucket list" or what food she's never tried because she was too scared. People change over time and sometimes we forget to notice. Take some time to get to know your wife and the person she is now.
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    Initiate more nonsexual touching. While sex is a very important part of any marriage, it is also important to engage in nonsexual touching with your spouse.[7] This helps you both feel connected and loved throughout the day. Try to hold your wife's hand, even if it's just for a moment. Cuddle on the couch while you watch TV. Put your hand on her leg while you're driving to the store. Any physical touch, no matter how small, lets your wife know that you are thinking about her and that she makes you happy.


  • Help out around the house on a regular basis.
  • Allow her to talk about anything she wants every single day. Marriage is a partnership and you should be there for her first. Turn off the television, put down everything else, and just look at her, and let her talk. Even as little as 15 minutes a day will help a great deal, since most often she doesn't get that kind of undivided attention from anyone, including you.
  • Just listen to her. That is probably all she wants in the first place.
  • Give her as much time to herself as you take for yourself. If you go play golf once a week for 6 hours, she deserves 6 hours a week for herself. If you have a hobby that keeps you busy two hours a night - she deserves two hours a night for herself.

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Categories: Married Life