How to Give a Romantic Massage

One Methods:Sensuous spots

Romantic massages are more intimate and sensual than the average massage and can really set the scene for a special, relaxing and totally couple-focused time together. Ambiance is very important when setting up a romantic massage, as is having some basic knowledge of massage and a willingness to experiment. Enhance your loving relationship through touch with the suggestions provided here that turn a regular rub-down into a romantic massage.


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    Set the scene. Ensure the room is clean, tidy and welcoming. Make the bed, shut the curtains if need be and remove any distractions such as electronic devices, piles of papers, or your phone.
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    Lay a towel on the bed. Alternatively, if you have a large floorspace, consider laying the towel on the floor. The surface chosen should be firm but comfortable.
    • Make sure it's not a shabby old towel; choose a bath sheet that is big, soft and fluffy. The feel must be perfect for comfort and for romance.
    • If you have colored towels, these may be even better than just plain white. Color choice will depend on the impression you're seeking to create and if you're seeking to make a matching theme, then colors are probably ideal.
    • Have additional towels or a cover ready to keep over your partner during the massage. Unless it is warm enough to leave your partner's body uncovered, a little cover for warmth on the parts of the body not being massaged is usually appreciated.
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    Make sure the temperature in the room is comfortable. You don't want either of you to be shivering in the cold and wishing the massage was over! You want your massage partner to be super comfortable and deeply relaxed; and the same goes for you too!
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    Choose the music you will play. Select music that feels sexy and soothing when you listen to it. The music will be a large part of setting the mood for romance, so avoid anything too jarring, loud or energetic. Set up the music in an out-of-way corner and have it gently playing throughout the massage.
    • Ensure that there is enough music that you won't have to get up and change it during the massage.
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    Add candles for atmosphere. A romantic massage is never complete without a room filled with candles. Strategically place as many candles as possible in the room to create a seductive glow. Choose coloured or scented candles for maximum effect.
    • Tea light candles make a good choice as they're in a container and you have less worries about the wax dripping.
    • You may prefer to use scentless candles and have an electric oil burner on as well as the candles.
    • Always be in attendance when candles are alight. Also, think ahead to where you and your partner may tread, sit, roll, or whatever and keep candles away from anywhere that you might potentially end up.
    • If you don't like candles, you can even hang fairy lights in the room to give the same luminous effect.
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    Choose a scented oil to rub and massage deep in to your partner's muscles.
    • Choose a massage oil that reflects the energy or atmosphere you'd like to create. Read up on the different oil fragrances and properties to learn more about their effects. Always have more than enough massage oil; the more you have, the more sensual the massage experience.
    • Most essential oils must be diluted in a "carrier oil" before placing on skin. Suitable oils include sweet almond oil, olive oil, warmed coconut oil, rose hip oil, grapeseed oil, avocado oil, jojoba oil, etc.
    • Never pour massage oil straight onto the person's body; it will cause a cold shock. Pour it into your hands first, relying on your own body heat to warm it up.
    • Oils often used for romantic massages include:[1]
      • Lavender oil – for relaxation
      • Ylang ylang oil – a purported aphrodisiac
      • Patchouli oil – earthy, musky, helps focus
      • Jasmine oil – another purported aphrodisiac
      • Sandalwood oil – for improved libido
      • Cardamom oil – increases intimacy
      • Juniper oil – promotes self-assurance
      • Ginger oil – spicy and hot, just like your romance
      • Rose oil – for romance.
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    Prepare yourself. Ensure that your fingernails are short and remove all jewelry prior to the massage. Wear comfortable clothing and if your hair is long, tie it back out of the way. Wash your hands both before and after the massage. Also, take care to warm your hands before applying them on your partner's body.
    • As the masseur, be completely relaxed prior to giving the massage. It requires your full attention, focus and care; a tense masseur or masseuse is not going to promote a romantic feel! Take some deep breathes and sit down and relax to clear your mind before starting.
    • Whoever is receiving the massage should avoid having a heavy meal 2 hours prior to the romantic massage; it's also best to avoid alcohol 6 hours prior to and after the massage.[2]
    • It's often a good idea to try massage techniques on yourself before trying them on your partner. That way you'll know how the technique feels, if it's comfortable or not and you can make suitable adjustments when massaging your partner.
    • Bear in mind your own posture during the massage. It won't stay romantic if you're crippled up in pain from poor posture or an uncomfortable position.
    • If you plan on both of you being naked for the massage, ensure that the room is warm enough, or you risk the romantic sparks dissembling into a fit of shivering.
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    Use massage techniques that will ensure the romantic massage succeeds in relaxing your partner and helps to connect you both intimately. While you can––and should––read up on different massage techniques, don't be held back by trying to perfect them. It is more useful to trust in the natural, healing and comforting power of your hands and follow your intuition about what feels best than to be hung up on using the exact right strokes.
    • Begin by warming the oil in your hands, then spreading it over the skin area to be massaged using smooth strokes to spread the oil for a few minutes before massaging. This is both sensuous and important for creating a suitable massage surface, so don't skip over it.
    • Use long languid strokes to work knots and to help relax the muscles. Imagine yourself getting the movements to flow together. Avoid heavy downward pressure on bony areas or organs, namely the spine, ribs, knees, elbows, abdomen or kidneys.
    • Decide where you will begin. This is basically up to you and your partner but a traditional approach is to begin with the back, buttocks and back of the legs, then work on the feet, front of the legs and progress up the body. Finish with the face and head.
    • Always completely finish one area of the body before moving on to the next.
    • Try not to talk. Keeping it quiet is part of the relaxing, sensuous atmosphere you're aiming to create.
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    When you have finished your romantic massage, complete the night with a romantic bubble bath for two. What you do after this is entirely up to you both!
    • Note that some people prefer the bath before the massage. Or, you might like to have one before and after––whatever floats your boat!

Sensuous spots

While all of the body can respond to sensual massage, for a romantic massage there are some spots in particular that are worth paying attention to.

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    Consider sitting on your partner's buttocks when massaging his or her back and neck areas. This increases the intimacy, especially if you're both naked (but that's totally optional).
    • Use your knees on the bed to avoid placing too much weight on your partner.
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    Relieve neck and shoulder stress. Highly sensitive to tension, the shoulders and neck tend to knot up quickly. It can be a great place to start a romantic massage so that your partner's tension is eased from the outset, allowing him or her to really enjoy the remainder of the massage experience. Be careful as to how much pressure you apply in this area; use gentle circular motions with your thumbs and only slowly increase pressure.
    • Small karate chops can help to release pressure around the shoulder blade area. However, only do this if your partner doesn't mind; for some it's too painful on their sensitive skin.
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    Linger over the vertebrae. The spine is a wonderfully sensuous area and you can heighten the sense of relaxation by slowly working up the spine, starting with large sweeps up from the buttocks first, then pressing each vertebrae with your thumbs.
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    Knead the buttocks. There is plenty of flesh here and touching attention can be both relaxing and intimate. Use your palms to knead the flesh––this is one area where you don't need to be so concerned about a light touch because the flesh will buffer any kneading pressure.
    • The sacrum, the little part just above the buttocks, is very sensitive. Don't neglect it, just be very gentle.
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    Be sure to massage the deeply erogenous inner thigh area. Be gentle as this area is quite sensitive.


  • Ask your partner before assuming that breast or genital massaging is an appropriate part of your romantic massage. Massaging these zones can be very erotic but can also change the mood quickly from one of relaxation to one of other expectations.
  • To dilute essential oil, use the following ratio: 1/2 tsp/2ml of carrier oil to 1 drop essential oil.
  • The best carrier oils for the face are peach kernel, apricot, sweet almond, avocado, evening primrose and jojoba. Remember that the facial skin is more delicate than the rest of your skin, as it is more exposed to the elements. In particular, skin around the eye region must be treated with great delicacy––it is not recommended to massage this area at all.
  • While sharing the roles of masseur and recipient can be a lovely way to show consideration for each other, do bear in mind that the first recipient will often be so relaxed and chilled out by the massage that expecting a massage straight away from your partner can be asking too much and risks undoing all the pleasure you've given him or her. Consider taking it in turns on different occasions instead.
  • The only essential oils that can be applied directly to the skin are lavender oil and tea tree oil. However, even these should be added to a carrier oil for massage purposes as carrier oil is always cheaper, disperses the essential oil well and goes further than essential oils. All other essential oils must be diluted in a carrier oil first.
  • Accessories are another possibility for a romantic massage, such as massage balls or rollers or other appropriate massage tools. However, it's often most sensual to rely on your hands.
  • If massaging a pregnant partner, check that the oil used is suitable––many essential oils are not suitable. Also, use only light strokes and pressure on the pregnant person and never massage directly on the abdomen during the first four months of pregnancy.[2]


  • Stop immediately if your partner exclaims in pain or says something hurts. Don't repeat the action that caused pain. And be observant––even wincing is a sign of pain.
  • Never leave burning candles unattended. Always be careful about where you place candles––never place them near hanging drapes or fabrics, near paper or anything flammable.
  • Check all contraindications. Massage is either not suitable or needs to be carefully tailored in the following cases: pregnancy, varicose veins, fever, infectious skin diseases, scars or recent surgery. Avoid spreading infectious diseases through massage, pressuring varicose veins that could potentially loosen a clot or massaging over surgery cuts.
  • Do not massage any person suffering from cancer, epilepsy, heart or circulatory problems, thrombosis, asthma, severe respiratory problems, severe back pain, frailty, or a contagious disease unless the person's doctor has given the okay.
  • Always ask about your partner's potential allergies with respect to massage oils. Let him or her know the ingredients to avoid any problems. You can ask well ahead of the massage event, to avoid spoiling the atmosphere with clinical-like questioning!
  • Don't use baby oil; it doesn't absorb well and is a by-product of the petrochemical industry, which is hardly romantic.

Things You'll Need

  • Towel, pillows to create comfortable massage surface
  • Towels to cover (or other warm covers)
  • Heater or other heat source (if required)
  • Candles and matches
  • Music and player
  • Electric oil burner
  • Essential oils of choice (see above)
  • Carrier oil
  • Massage accessories
  • Bath oils (optional but a nice finish)

Sources and Citations

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