How to Let a Girl Down Easy

Three Methods:Considering the SituationBreaking Up RespectfullyMoving Forward

Breaking up (or being broken up with) is never an easy thing to go through with. This is especially true if you're concerned about the other person's feelings. Trying to protect a girl's feelings while you reject her is a tightrope act, and you need to strike a firm balance between kindness and firmness to pull it off. While some level of heartbreak is practically unavoidable, there are lots of ways you can go about minimizing the damage and moving forward as quickly as possible.

Method 1
Considering the Situation

  1. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 1
    Decide whether you really want to break up. If you break up with or reject someone, there is a strong likelihood that you will never get back together, even if you change your mind at a later point. The damage is almost always irreversible. With this in mind, it's crucial you know for sure that you don't want to have this girl as a romantic part of your life. If you need to take some time to figure out for sure, it's a good idea to wait.
    • Your decision to break up shouldn't be decided by how much she apparently needs you in her life. That's unfair to the both of you. [1]
  2. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 2
    Understand the reasons why you want to break up. Properly wording and navigating a rejection counts on knowing the reasons why you want to go through with it. Offering firm reasons why it won't work out will make you feel more resolute in your choice. Besides that, it will make it easier to word your rejection directly, without falling back on vagueness.
    • If it helps, try to put your feelings into words. Making a quick list of reasons could make things easier, particularly if you're torn between rejecting her or not.
  3. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 3
    Anticipate how she'll react. Anticipating how a girl will react is the most important part of planning a rejection. Chances are likely you have a good idea what this girl is like, and how she might react if you go through with the break-up. Is she going to respond to it well? How important do you think you are to her? Is she shy and passive, or aggressive and assertive? Before you even get to wording your break-up, you should muster a strong indication what her reaction will be.
    • Consider the possibility you might be giving yourself too much credit, or underestimating the girl's self-confidence. If you give a girl some credit yourself and assume things will go more smoothly than you're fearing, you'll probably be right in your assumption.
    • If you know anything about her past break-up experiences (if any), these may be a solid indicator of what you can expect this time.
  4. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 4
    Make sure it's a proper time for her. Choosing the right time to reject the girl plays into the situation as well. If the girl's family just died in a car accident, letting her know you want to break up (no matter how kindly) is going to add fuel to a big fire. If you're on regular speaking terms with her, you should try to make sure that there's nothing super stressful happening in her life. This includes more routine stressors like midterm examinations or a new job.
    • If you're anyway unsure how she's feeling, you can always ask "How have you been doing lately?"
    • Don't confuse major stressors with truly routine stuff. No one's life is free from problems, and if you wait too long for the perfect moment, you'll probably be waiting a very, very long time.[2]

Method 2
Breaking Up Respectfully

  1. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 5
    Have your lines prepared in advance. Like most stressful conversations, it's a good idea to have some lines prepared in advance. Make a point of knowing how to open up the conversation, as well as how to break the rejection and end the conversation. Keep in mind that prepared lines only serve as a general guideline. The best way to let a girl down easily is to roll with the flow of the conversation.
    • You might, for instance, open the conversation by saying "I don't think this is going to work. I'm sure about that now, and it's important for you to know that has nothing to do with who you are as a person."
    • At the same time, you won't do yourself any favours by planning too much. No interaction will ever go the exact way you expect it to, and if you leave yourself little room for improvisation, you'll fall and stumble the first time things don't go according to plan.
  2. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 6
    Ask to meet in person. If you want to let a girl down easily, you need to show her she is still worth your time and respect. Dropping her a line over text message or social media is impersonal, and just about everyone is worth more than that. Keep short on any details when you call her to meet up. No one will willingly meet someone purely for the sake of being broken up with. Breaking up in person is, however, a much better choice for the long run.
    • For example: "Hey. I think it's a good idea for us to meet. Would you be free to meet at the park tomorrow morning?"
    • Choose the place to meet based on what you anticipate her reaction will be. If she's prone to anger or even violence, meet up somewhere in public. That way, she will be less likely to make a scene. If the girl is shy and prone to crying however, it's better to do it someplace private, like her home. This will keep her from feeling embarrassed in public.
  3. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 7
    Be compassionate. As tough as it may be to balance the break up with tenderness, its a necessary thing if you want to make it as painless as possible for the girl. Though you don't want to condescend or give her the impression that the decision isn't absolute, it's important you word things in such a way that makes it sound like you still care about her, even if the feelings are not romantic.[3]
    • For example, follow up the break-up declaration with a positive affirmation: "Even though I know we can't be together, that doesn't mean I don't care about you or want you as a part of my life. You're a really cool person, and I really mean that."
    • Don't expect this to remove the pain or spectacle from her reaction. Even the nicest way of wording a break up is going to provoke feelings of heartbreak.
  4. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 8
    Cut to the chase.[4] Once you've met up with the girl, there is no point in beating around the bush. Making things go further than they need to will only confuse the girl. You should break the news right after saying hello. Remind yourself what the purpose of the meeting is. It's not to 'hang out'; if you are more interesting in spending time together than breaking up, it's probably a sign you should not be breaking up in the first place.
    • Be simple and leave no room for interpretation. At the same time, don't be mean or rude. This can be a tricky thing to balance, but you should break the news with something like this: "I don't think this is going to work out. I'm absolutely sure about it. I don't want you to think that this because of you. It's about where I am in life."
  5. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 9
    State a reason that doesn't criticize her.[5] This is arguably the most important part of letting someone down easily. You can be as to-the-point as you like, but only offering the news of the break up and leaving will seem cold. The girl is going to want some answers. One way you can word it delicately is by offering a reason or two why the relationship can't work out between you two. It is crucial that these reasons don't paint her in a negative light. External reasons, like school, work, family and other priorities can factor in. This will ease the blow to the girl's self-confidence.
    • Let her know that you don't have time for a relationship: "There are lots of reasons I don't feel I'm ready for a relationship right now. I'm very focused on school and don't feel like being with someone would match my priorities."
    • It is definitely preferable that you are honest with the reasons. Even if you don't find the girl attractive, there may still be reasons why a relationship would be less than optimal. No matter how close you are with the girl, or what your relationship history has been, she probably deserves your total honesty.
  6. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 10
    Let her respond. In virtually every case, the girl is going to have something to say in response. You may even ask her for her feelings on your decision.[6] She may be angry, or she may be desperate and try to get you back with some quick words. She might even be relieved. If you took the time to realistically consider how she might react towards letting her down, you should have an idea of what to expect. All the same, give her some time to thrown in her two cents.
    • She may be upset, but it's very important you remain calm. Two upset people is a perfect recipe for argument and disaster.
    • Allowing her to respond and say her piece is an important part of healing. Venting is healthy, but it's good to keep a limit on it. If an interaction goes on for too long, it invites chaos.
  7. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 11
    Keep it brief. Brevity is your friend when it comes to letting a girl down easily. The longer your conversation goes on for, the more likely it is for fuel to be added to the fire. If you want to make sure the damage is minimized, try to put a cap on the amount of time the conversation lasts for. Ten to fifteen minutes is a reasonable amount, taking her time to respond in consideration. Say goodbye, and don't be afraid to leave even if she's trying to push the conversation on indefinitely.

Method 3
Moving Forward

  1. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 12
    Give her space. Once the conversation is over and you've gone your separate ways, it is always healthy to give time apart for the both of you to recover. This stands, no matter what plans you have for your future relationship, be it as friends or remaining as casual acquaintances. The time it will take to heal varies wildly depending on the person, the extent of the relationship, and the time it lasted for. Giving space is often the thing that can save the relationship, albeit in another form.[7]
    • Giving space for at least a week tends to be a good standard time, although more may be needed depending on the situation.
    • 'Giving space' can involve ignoring the girl when the situation requires it. If you stop returning her calls for instance, it will limit the amount of possibilities there will be for further arguments.[8] There's more use in waiting until she's more or less over you to talk things out as needed.
  2. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 13
    Talk again once some time has passed. Opening up communication doesn't have to happen, and it does run the risk of opening wounds again. All the same, if you cared for this person enough and want her as a friend, there are things you can do at this point to help her along the break up process. Send a message to her. It's recommended that you do so via text message or social media. This gives her the option and time to respond to you properly without putting her on the spot.
    • For example, you might say: "Hey. I just wanted to say hi and make sure you're feeling alright. Would it be okay if we talked sometime? I still care about you in a different way and want you to be happy."
  3. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 14
    Offer some consolation. It is most likely that the girl's confidence will have been tarnished by the break up. Consolation is a more expanded form of the distant compassion you'll have given during the break up itself. By this point, it's hopeful that the girl has resigned herself to the fact that there's no romantic future between the two of you. It then becomes safer to discuss things in further detail, all the while acting as a friend to boost her confidence.[9]
    • At this point, you can give her hope for other romantic prospects without it being so much about mixed messages: "You know, I think you're a great person, and I know guys that would die to be with a girl like you. Just because things didn't work out with us doesn't mean you're not a catch."
    • It's important to make sure the feelings have largely subsided before you offer consolations. If you console her too early on, she may get the impression that there's a chance of the two of you getting back together. This will backfire and make the situation far more complicated for the both of you.
  4. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 15
    Accept her own decisions. If you were friends before this, there's a good possibility that the rejection will ruin your friendship. If it comes to pass that the girl no longer wants to have you around as a friend, it's important to respect her decision. Friendship cannot be forced on anyone, and if you try to press it, you'll give a lot of mixed messages and cause undue harm to the both of you. If worst comes to worst, accept the fact you have lost someone completely in your life and move forward with things. Meditation can help with the healing process.[10]
    • Time doesn't heal all wounds, but it helps most of them. If you're feeling hurt yourself, try to distract yourself with other things. There are other friends, and even other romantic prospects out there to find solace in.[11]
  5. Image titled Let a Girl Down Easy Step 16
    Be firm with the choice you made. There is sometimes a yearning for people to backtrack and get someone back they tried to reject. If you are at the point where you've broken up with or rejected someone, it's up to you to live with that decision. Running back and reopening the situation isn't healthy for either of you, and you're much better off being firm with the decision you made. Letting a girl down is a hard thing to go through for both people involved, and it's best to remind yourself why you did it if you ever find yourself second-guessing the choice you made.


  • Breakups can have positive effects on the people involved. Even if they're painful, they usually result in lasting emotional revelations. Keep that in mind if you're feeling guilt for hurting a girl's feelings.[12]
  • Breakups are never easy, but the simplest way is usually the least difficult.


  • There is nothing worse than regretting a decision once it's too late. Chances are slim you'll be able to rekindle a relationship once you let her down, so make absolutely sure you don't want her as a romantic part of your life before you move forward with this.

Article Info

Categories: Relationship Issues