How to See the Positives of Rejection

So, you've liked this girl for a long, long time and you've chatted it up many times. You know a lot about her life, family, and it seems she is pretty into you as well.

Or, maybe, ladies, you just met this guy and he's gorgeous and almost downright magical, so obviously you have a crush on him. It seems he's attracted to you too, which is great.

So, with your heart going like a piston, you wake up one day, and just can't take it. You find that girl, tap her on the shoulder and spill out your heart, or you're hanging with that magical guy along with a couple friends, and you pull him aside then break the news of your crush to his face.

Either way, your heart's in your throat, your knees tremble worse than a chihuahua and you're hanging on to your crush's every word. This is it! You're expecting "Oh, *your name* I like you too! Wanna go out sometime?" BUT... instead you get " I'm sorry *your name* I don't like you like that..." or "...Sorry, I've already got a girl/boyfriend" or just awkward silence.

So..... now what?


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    Don't beat yourself up, because you're not the one who lost out here; your crush did. As clich├ęd as it sounds, fact is, if a guy or girl you had your heart set on can't see how brilliant you are, then they are the one with the problem, not you.
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    Find the silver lining to this storm cloud. The most prominent positive outcome is strength. Believe it or not, you can gain more strength when you're at your lowest point than after you win a contest, sometimes! Some people who are frequently rejected will over look this strength and don't even realize they have it. One way to 'test' if you've gotten stronger is to think back to the hardest rejection you went through. Could you handle the emotions, at least a little bit better now? If "yes" then congrats! You're getting stronger. If not, it's okay. This won't always work, seeing as each rejection is different.
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    Stop idealizing your crush. He/She might seem perfect for you, but what if there is some hidden personality trait or habit of theirs that would irk your very last nerve. Maybe they like a band/hobby/style that you cannot stand to tolerate, partake in a religion you're not too fond of, or they have a personality quirk (like mistreatment of their younger siblings or something crazy like that) which would cause you to have issues with them or break up, anyway.
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    Get help from friends. Sure, they're fun to fool around with, and they can always make you laugh, but that's only a small part of the job of a friend. So, go ahead, find your most trusted companion(s) and cry on their shoulder. Play video games, play football, go bowling, laugh at a funny movie, have a sleepover, take a walk, go shopping, anything to get your mind off of "him/her". After your attention has been digressed from your crush for so long, you'll start to absentmindedly forget about them, which could help in making you that much stronger. Friends can also help you think of more "bad" qualities of your crush that you alone might of missed.
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    Indulge in new experiences. Sometimes, having a crush on someone can lead you to discover new experiences, hobbies or entertainment that you might of otherwise not known existed! Maybe your crush was into techno music, so you checked it out, and loved it. Or maybe your crush likes to garden, so now you have a little know-how on the subject. Although, this is one of the positives and benefits of rejection, it can also be a curse. For some, listening to the music, or doing hobbies that remind them of their crush will just bring back old bad memories, so be mindful of that.
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    Pat yourself on the back for having the confidence to speak up. We all can vouch that when you're asking someone out then, rejected your self-esteem level goes from the rooftops to a crack in the floor in 2.5 seconds. Through this type of embarrassment, two things will happen. Firstly, you'll feel horrible, obviously but, you will also gain an underlying confidence! Most do not tap into this confidence, simply because they don't realize it's there, but it's simple to find. After being rejected, just sit and think for a moment. You had the courage to speak the words 'I like you'(or something similar). You had the hope and dared to believe in yourself. You had the fearlessness to swallow the thought of "what if" and just go with your gut. Sounds like you've got a lot of confidence. Sure, you didn't get the answer you wanted, but look at what you DID accomplish!
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    Think of what you do have. More, more, more is all we seem to want. Always wanting what you don't have can be toxic to you and others too. In this busy, crazy, bustling world, we often forget the simple fact that we could lose it all. Think about it: If you were with the one who has your heart, what if they tried to make you give up or change something you loved (a hobby you do, sport, religion, etc.). Doesn't sound like a good deal, does it?


  • Remember, what happened in the past is in the past. You cannot change what has happened, but only look forward to the future. "The pain you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming."
  • Physical activity can also help with distracting you, as well as releasing stress from rejection. Try joining a Zumba class at a gym, or yoga classes. If you can't make that kind of commitment, just a jog around the neighborhood, or boxing on a Wii can help too.
  • Buying a new dress, getting a haircut/new style, or some new shoes can also help in boosting your self confidence and make you feel good about yourself (but don't go overboard).
  • Likewise, finding a new person to focus and crush on can help you forget almost instantly ;)
  • Trying to find something to distract and digress your attention away from your crush, like a new hobby, or friend is easier than you think. Just hanging in the library and reading books can spark a new interest in something you'll love.
  • Listening to music can help. Avoid songs like "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift or "Oxygen" by Colbie Caillat . Sure they're catchy, but they won't help you here. Try songs that continue to build confidence and courage, like "Stronger" by Mandisa or "Face Up" by Lights. Most Superchick songs work well too.


  • Don't get too hung up on the situation if you really liked the person. It is going to take some time, but you WILL get over them. They didn't deserve you anyway.
  • Don't get too hung up on trying to forget the situation either. Just like living in the past will hurt you, trying to force yourself to forget will also hurt. Just accept what happened, and focus on right now.
  • Don't go off thinking it's the end of the world because you've been rejected many times. The more you are rejected by those you fancy, the greater the person waiting for YOU will be.
  • Just because someone may have broken your heart does NOT mean you should try to change your whole outlook on yourself and love. Don't make someone else (who wants to be with you) pay for the mistakes a loser who rejected you made.
  • If you are still friends with the one who rejected you, keep the faith. If you see them everyday (at work, school, lunch, or in the hallway) take deep breaths. It's going to be hard, but you know, they aren't all they seem to be most likely.
  • Remember that maybe they just aren't ready for a relationship, maybe they're gay, or they could just want to focus on school.

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Categories: Handling Rejection