How to Stop Fighting with Your Significant Other

You made it through the awkward ‘crush phase’ - your heart survived the love-induced adrenaline surges every time your phone rang, you received a text, or you saw that special someone across the room. You survived the awkward first date, and you even said those three big words… But it’s a couple of months down the line and you just can't seem to agree on ANYTHING anymore! To be in a relationship is a choice. It is up to you to choose to stop fighting and make it work. Here’s how.


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    Do not take the bait. You love each other a lot. So naturally you tend to passionately explode at each other at the drop of a hat. You'll start to notice patterns to your fighting: a certain kind of remark provokes a certain response, and soon you're at each others' throats. Don't let this happen. At the first signs of a fight, simply walk away. Do not take the bait. Diffuse the situation by allowing yourself and your partner some space. Sometimes taking that step back will help you look at the situation from a different angle, and you'll see that there's nothing to fight about.
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    Listen to your partner. Chances are, you're fighting because one or both of you is feeling frustrated with some aspect of the relationship. Remember that you are in this relationship because you love and respect your partner. Respect them enough to really listen to what is bothering them without interrupting them. Be cool calm and collected and really listen with your heart to their grievance. Avoid knee-jerk reactions. Suspend judgment and truly hear what they're saying before you respond.
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    Ask yourself who started the fight. However, avoid using this as a way to blame your partner. If you find that it's always the same person starting the fights, think about why that might be and figure out what's at the root of your unhappiness. You need to realize that fighting constantly makes things worse and unbearable and it will break up the relationship eventually. Observe your reactions carefully and ask yourself why you are actually feeling angry/jealous/sad/neglected. Talk about what you think with your partner and find out the real issue behind the fighting.
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    Always be respectful. The manner in which you speak to your partner in a fight shows a lot about yourself and your relationship. Do not allow yourself to fall into the pattern of being vicious and abusive to each other. Have an absolute moratorium on swearing at your partner. Be respectful in how you speak to each other, in any situation. Words have an everlasting power, so be careful with them. Remind yourself that you love this person and have chosen them above all others, do not project hatred upon the ones closest to you.
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    Break out of the circle. Often fights become he said she said. If you find that the fight is about something pointless and silly - be big enough to let go. Stop this pattern immediately. Tell your partner that it doesn't matter who said what anymore. Focus on looking at and healing the underlying hurt feelings.
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    Apologize. This is the most important step. The old adage is 'do not let the sun set over a fight'. Even if you feel you were not in the wrong, apologize for fighting with the person that you love. Tell them how much you love them and move on to making happy memories.
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    Pick your battles wisely. Ask yourself whether the point you wish to make is important enough to fight for. Fight to make your relationship work rather than fighting until it doesn’t.


  • Always be calm and reasonable when talking to your partner about your relationship. You're both hurt, but you both love each other and want to make it work. Take the time to discuss it calmly and sort out your problems together.

Article Info

Categories: Relationship Issues | Managing Arguments