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How to Stop Over Thinking in a Relationship

Sometimes we tend to think too much or over-think things (which incidentally is just as bad as not putting enough concentration on a subject). It's like watering a plant: not enough water the plant dies, too much water can kill it as well, so you need to find the correct balance. When we over-think things waiting by the phone, a minute turns into years as we think of what our lover is doing, who is he talking with, whether she is attracted to the new guy at the coffee place etc. All the negativity sets in and it builds up and consumes us and we find ourselves breaking up. We do not know what happened. And then it happens again, and again and again....Over-thinking usually introduces negativity into the relationship; and as we know, no relationship thrives on negativity. So how do we stop that from happening?


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    Take some time for yourself. Too much thought about another person can lead to an 'unhealthy' obsession and that is not a good thing, right? Falling into this trap can be easy causing over-dependence, jealousy, and eventually depression. All of the latter states lead to a loss of your 'personal' power and can cause a relationship to deteriorate quickly which kind of defeats the purpose of the whole thing. Therefore it's critical when things reach an uncomfortable level in relation to you concentrating too much on your partner (or anything outside of your self for that matter) that you turn your concentration back onto 'yourself' and what makes you happy and feel satisfied (outside of your relationship).
    • There is a difference between the sometimes 'false' sense of security gained from another person's company/attention simply because we can't handle spending time on our own, and the 'security' of knowing within ourselves that we can comfortably spend some time alone. Spending some time alone (and this also means not concentrating on your loved one 24/7) is not only beneficial to your personal growth and development, but it's healthy for your relationship as well, as it gives things the space to grow. Alternatively it can give you a more balanced perspective to judge whether the 'other person' is the 'right' one for you.
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    Recognize when your thoughts are getting the best of you. It may take a huge amount of effort but the first step is always the most critical. If you're stopping yourself for the first time, you might not even realise it when you are thinking too much because it has become so natural for you. Here are some indications for you when you start to think too much-
    • You start feeling sad and depressed. Your thoughts wonder to stuff like "how long is this relationship going to last?" and "I think he/she is going to break up with me."
    • When you find yourself clinging on to your phone waiting for the person to text you while thinking "Why haven't they texted me yet.... it's been 2 minutes already!!!"
    • You see that your personal blog is full of negative thoughts and fears about the relationship.
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    Consciously stop yourself. The first step when you get that disturbing compulsive feeling of not being able to stop concentrating on someone else is to -STOP!- and if you are in the position to do so sit down, close your eyes, and take some deep breaths, letting the air slowly roll out of your mouth. The simple act of shutting down one of your five physical senses, i.e. closing your eyes will cause your intuition to rise by about 15 to 20% higher (think of how a visually impaired person can move more confidently than you around a dark room). Breath control (deep breathing) will release the build-up of stress caused by all that emotion bouncy around inside of you. Remember you are dealing with an 'addiction' of sorts.
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    Ask yourself why you feel this way. Has your other half given you cause to feel this way? Have they had a history of cheating or are they being different suddenly. Try to think from a third person's point of view, whether your thoughts are ranging from unfounded to psychotic. If the other party has given you no cause to feel this way then such anxiety and over-thinking is really your problem and you've got to nip it in the bud. Stop yourself, as mentioned earlier and change.
    • Take the time to analyze yourself. Begin by asking yourself questions like "Who am I?", "What am I?" and "Why am I here?". You might at times ask, "What is my major weakness?" and counter that with "What is my major strength?". You might ask yourself "What can I do to make myself feel good?" or "What can I do to take my mind of this?" The subconscious mind is a marvelous and greatly underestimated place and if you give it the time of day, you might be surprised what answers you get back from yourself. Remember this is your 'personal' time with yourself (so if you know who's face comes into your mind 'bounce them out).
      • This technique is called 'self-analysis', and by practicing this technique as much as possible. Even if only for a minute or two on the hour throughout your day (even a couple of times a day) can build a 'familiarity' and 'sense' of self, ultimately leading to a respect for who you are inside and what makes you tick.
      • If you are in a bad place with your relationship, or find yourself over your head in addiction to that your partner this technique is the first step in making your journey back to yourself and this is the place where you will eventually be able to make assertive decisions about your life, instead of being dragged along by another person's journey all of the time, where potentially you may get kicked to the curb anyway.
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    Find a distraction. Yes when you are thinking too much about something, the best thing you can do is find something to distract you from your own thoughts. Try not to be alone or somewhere quiet. Get your boys and girls to head to town with you for a movie or some Frisbee. Go to the gym and go crazy on the new workout program you found on the internet. Bake a cake for a potluck with your girls or start up your computer for some Warcraft with your buddies.
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    Talk to your partner about it. It would be nice for you to let your partner know. It would be especially helpful if they were the ones who have given you cause to feel this way. If you think they are cheating on you, ask them. Do it nicely of course, there is no need for you to blow your top at them only to realize that the person they were seen with was actually an aunt who just came to town for a holiday. Communication is key here.
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Categories: Relationship Issues