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How to Tell if Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend Is Cheating

Five Parts:Is something out of the ordinary?Checking for secretivenessListening to what is saidNoticing the red flagsAsking your boyfriend or girlfriend to explainCommunity Q&A

A cheating boyfriend or girlfriend is something we worry about. Not everyone cheats. From time to time, these worries are unfounded. Perhaps he does have to work late, or the strange girl in your bathroom is his sister, but here are some sure signals to find a cheating significant other. Everyone in the world thinks everyone is cheating. Ask yourself before you put yourself through all this stuff. Does he love you and if the answer is yes, then he is not cheating and all these signs are from typical lying fools and you should spend your day thinking of all the positives things he or she does for you and how much they love you.

Part 1
Is something out of the ordinary?

  1. 1
    Pay attention to changes in the normal routine of your boyfriend or girlfriend. Is he or she, for instance, coming home from work later than usual on some nights? Sometimes these small changes to a person's routine mean nothing more than life has given them a reason to be unavailable, but they are still something that you want to be aware of.
  2. 2
    Decide if you feel they have they become moody suddenly, and eager to start fights. Sometimes, a cheating lover will displace his or her shame, anger, and guilt onto you by starting a fight, which can then be blamed on you. In short, they need a place to throw off their negative feelings.
  3. 3
    Think about whether your boyfriend or girlfriend has stopped talking to you? Did your significant other always have things to say, and has suddenly become distant? Your relationship may be losing intimacy because your lover has started a new one with someone else.
  4. 4
    Consider whether your boyfriend or girlfriend smells different when he or she comes near you. Everyone knows this one is stereotypical but it can also be true. If he or she is coming around smelling like a perfume or aftershave that you don't wear, then he or she has been too close to someone who wears it.
  5. 5
    Pay attention to changing interests, including music, political views, social issues, favorite books, or movies, etc. When someone spends enough time with someone else, they begin to adopt their views, or at least understand them. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is interested in things that they hated before, perhaps they are being influenced by someone else more than usual.

Part 2
Checking for secretiveness

  1. 1
    Examine the trust in your relationship. Does your lover allow you to touch, or look through their phone, emails, etc.? If your boyfriend or girlfriend is hiding their phone from you, or deleting all their messages before letting you have it, then there is something they don't want you to see.
  2. 2
    Notice if they leave the room to take calls. If you ask whom called or texted them, do they always tell you "It's nobody?" These are also important signals, which show that your boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. has something to hide.
  3. 3
    Watch carefully for unwillingness to accept you without notice. Does he or she become angry when you come over unannounced, or only text you when they are at home, never calling you? These are also signs of betrayal. For some reason, they do not want you at their home at certain times, and they do not want to call you while they are at home.
  4. 4
    Pay attention to whether he has to "clean up" before letting you into his or her house, room, or car. If an earring is lying in the passenger side of their car, or a condom is behind their bed, extra time will probably be taken to dispose of those items.

Part 3
Listening to what is said

  1. 1
    Notice if a boyfriend or girlfriend is constantly putting someone else down. They may be saying awful things about that person, but pay attention to the fact that they are still talking about them 24/7. They are trying to fool you into believing the person is undesirable, thus throwing the suspicion off them.
  2. 2
    Catch them in a lie. Casually ask a boyfriend or girlfriend where they were such and such day, and let them answer. Remember their answer, and ask again a few days later. If they are lying constantly, then they will have a hard time keeping up. They may start to get angry with these simple questions, another big hint.

Part 4
Noticing the red flags

  1. 1
    Watch for unexplained bills, receipts for meals, etc. bought for two people. If you keep finding receipts from McDonalds with two different meals on it, or two sodas in the cup holders, or a bill for a bracelet you did not get, then watch out.
  2. 2
    Find out whether your boyfriend or girlfriend has additional email accounts, or other online accounts. Or begin to, out of nowhere, change their passwords to keep you out of their accounts. Normally, if they didn't give you their password to start with, this is no problem. But if they've suddenly changed it to protect messages they've written, or chats they've had, you should be alert to this possible red flag.
  3. 3
    Notice whether his or her friends are acting differently towards you. Have his or her friends begun to act oddly around you? When you casually talk to his friends, do they seem anxious, nervous, or eager to leave? They probably know something you don't know.
  4. 4
    Notice whether he begins to buy you gifts out of nowhere, or she starts casually mentioning an end to your relationship. Questions such as "What would you do if we broke up?" are key hints. Men and women, both, become guilty. This guilt can easily be forgotten with an action or item for the other person that makes the cheater seem selfless.

Part 5
Asking your boyfriend or girlfriend to explain

  1. 1
    Listen to how your boyfriend or girlfriend explains his or her behavior. If they voluntarily give you excuses that are detailed and scripted, then they probably are.He or she has most likely projected your questions, based on their indiscretion, and preemptively created a story to cover it all up. Listen and note any details which are unnecessarily significant to their story (names, times, exact locations, etc.) and keep a mental list.
  2. 2
    Notice the response. When they finish telling their story do they shake their head, toss up their hands, or use similar gestures to mimic exhaustion, confusion, and disbelief about their 'crazy evening' or event? Body language is a great indication that he or she is 'acting'.
  3. 3
    After a few moments of silence and once the story has finished, recall one of the details that stuck out to you. Keep it a seemingly harmless detail that won't frighten or alert your partner that you are suspicious (specifics are not what you are looking for). Now ask them an abstract question about the specific detail you picked. Innocently ask when this 'detail' or event happened, or some other simple question. If he or she is not being truthful they will give it away during this question.
  4. 4
    Pay attention to what happens now. Did they awkwardly get silent or shift before giving you an answer? Did they stutter or become nervous with their words? Did they look like a deer in the headlights? If so, here's why: When someone is telling the truth they don't need to think about the answer for more than a second or two. The details are already there because it truly happened. But, if this person is lying, they will have to stop and mentally go through their story from the beginning. He or she will need to remember where in the story this question happened and that takes thought processing. Since the 'minor' detail you asked them to provide wasn't prominent when they made up their excuse, they most likely won't have a cut and dry answer.
  5. 5
    Do it again with another detail oriented question. Keep watching closely. Can you see them thinking it through again? Are they becoming frustrated and starting to snip at your 'dumb questions' and/or ask, "What does it matter?" If so, this is a stalling technique they use while making up new details. It's also a handy distraction if they point their finger back at you and make you the bad guy for asking in the first place. How often have we heard, "What exactly are you insinuating?"
  6. 6
    Expect to be questioned back. Usually your partner will start questioning you and inevitably say, "What? You don't believe me? Do you think I’m lying to you?”.
  7. 7
    Wait patiently. Eventually you will hear the sweet words, "What? Do you think I'm cheating on you?!" Bingo!
  8. 8
    Ask yourself, did you insinuate that they were hiding something? Did you steer the story in a direction to make room for interrogation then blatantly accuse them of messing around? Did you actually accuse them of anything at all? By asking simple questions your partner not only revealed what kind of behavior they have been hiding, but they also spun their entire story out of whack, no matter how solid they believed it to be, and became overwhelmed. At this point, if you ask them anything, he/she will probably start to sweat, panic, or lose the capability to accurately recall anything about their story. The discrepancies will flow at this point and soon you will have enough information know if your partner is 'on the level.'

Community Q&A

Ask a Question
If this question (or a similar one) is answered twice in this section, please click here to let us know.


  • Be discreet when trying to catch a cheater. If you let them know you are onto them, they will hide the situation completely. Your best bet is to catch them slipping up.
  • Pay attention to the level of desire to be intimate with your partner from your suspicious partner. Lower levels can be a sign they may have desire for someone else.
  • Also, just know the person. Know their personality and how they acted before they started dating you. Were they flirtatious before you? Have they cheated before? How many people have they dated or slept with? Some people would never cheat, and others hardly notice they are doing it. It helps to know what person your significant other is.
  • If he/she is cheating, throw them out of your life. Enjoy your life and be glad that you found out.
  • Sometimes, cheaters are just cheaters. People can be self-absorbed with a lack of concern for others, and with no desire to change themselves. Try to keep these kinds of people out of your life.
  • Don't fight; just talk it out. You should have the strength to talk it through.
  • Have your friends help you scope out the situation. If you feel there is a difference in your significant other, then maybe your friends have noticed it too, and can help you find out why. Especially if they have classes with him, they can watch for sketchy behavior.
  • Pay attention to the influences in your mate's life. Do their sisters, brothers, parents, etc. cheat, or have cheated? This is not a solid lead to a cheater, but even so, this behavior influences peoples' behavior.


  • A liar can convince you to stop trusting your gut when you bring things up. A liar can convince you that you are just being paranoid and that these suspicions are all normal. Just keep that in mind before you ask why your partner has to run away for a phone call.
  • If your partner is cheating, chances are they are not opposed to lying as well. If you ask them about signs you have seen, and those signs stop showing up, your partner is likely covering up everything you have noticed before.

Article Info

Categories: Cheating in Relationships

In other languages:

Español: descubrir una infidelidad, Português: Descobrir uma Traição, Italiano: Capire se la Tua Ragazza (o Ragazzo) ti Tradisce, Deutsch: Herausfinden ob dein Freund oder deine Freundin dich betrügt, Français: savoir si votre petit(e) ami(e) vous trompe, 中文: 分辨出你的男朋友或女朋友在撒谎, Русский: узнать, что ваш парень или ваша девушка вам изменяет

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