wikiHow to Tell Your Mom You Are Bisexual

If you are unsure how to tell your mom that you are bisexual, this article will give you some tips on how.


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    Make sure that you are bisexual. Do some research about the LGBT+ community, and read how bisexual people describe themselves.
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    Choose a day and time when your mom will have time to listen. Choose a time when neither of you will feel rushed. Long car rides, doing chores together, and cleaning up after supper are all potential times.
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    Write out what you are going to say. Give it to her if you want to, but sometimes it is easier just to say it.
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    Start the conversation. If you're unsure if she'll be accepting, you can ask "Mom, what would you do if I were bisexual?" Listening to her answer can tell you whether you should tell her the truth or not. (You can always shrug and say "Just curious" if she gives an answer that upsets or scares you.) Otherwise, if you think she'll respond well, you can say "I want to tell you something important about myself."
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    Explain bisexuality, if she is confused. Not everyone knows what it means to be bisexual. You mom may want to know...
    • The definition of bisexuality (that you are attracted to the same gender, and other genders).
    • That yes, you still plan to be safe and faithful in your relationships.
    • Whether this means you'll give her grandchildren. (If you do want kids someday, assure her that you'll either make them the traditional way, or do something like in vitro or adoption.)
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    Gauge her reaction. Some parents are more accepting than others. Some will want to get a rainbow cake to celebrate you coming out, some smile and say "okay," and others may respond with sadness or anger. If she gets upset, say "I'm hurt by your reaction" and leave quietly.
    • Sometimes, people respond badly when they are startled. As much as it may hurt if your mom sounds like she doesn't accept you, do your best to give her the benefit of the doubt. Her words may not have accurately reflected her thoughts, and it's possible that once she's had time to absorb the information, she'll show you more love and acceptance.
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    Take some space if you need it. If your mom reacted badly, take some quiet time to calm yourself and re-affirm your identity. Try listening to comforting music, texting an accepting friend, or venting on an LGBT-friendly forum. Your mom come to apologize, or she may give you space.
    • If she comes in to criticize you or offers a passive-aggressive non-apology, say "I need space right now, Mom" or "I really need quiet time. Let's talk later."
    • If she tells you that you can't be bisexual, tell her that, whether she accepts it or not, you are the way you are, you're comfortable with it, and no one can change it.
    • Avoid disclosing the intimate details of your relationships at this point in time. She can learn this part later, once she's had time to absorb that you're bisexual.
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    Remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being bisexual. Bisexual people can be successful and happy people, just like people of all other orientations, and make up a valuable and lovable part of the world. Bisexuality is more common than you'd think, and it's as valid as any other orientation.


  • Thinking they won't accept you may be a thought in your head. Don't put off telling them, the longer you wait the harder it will be...
  • Keep a straight face. Don't smile, but don't be afraid to cry if you need to.
  • A good parent will love you no matter what your sexuality is. Even if they are confused for a few hours or days, they will reaffirm that they love all of you, including your bisexuality. If your mom is a good parent, she will understand.
  • Sometimes the reason that parents seem angry or upset is that they only want the best life for their child - and typically, LGBT teens have a harder time because of ignorance and bullying. Explain that while you don't look forward to discrimination, it would hurt even more to hide who you are, or feel ashamed in your own family. If she wants what's best for you, she'll come around.


  • Do not come out if your safety might be at risk. If your mom might verbally or physically abuse you, kick you out of your house, send you to dangerous "conversion therapies," or withhold financial support of you or your future education (e.g. college fund), do not come out. Stay quiet. You don't owe her knowledge about a part of your identity that she will reject. Revisit the idea of coming out only once you are financially independent and out of the house.

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Categories: Coming Out as LGBT | Telling Parents Important Things